What to do ??? As Mom's DPOA I have taken care of all of my deceased Dad's pension account, insurance accts and other money accounts for Mom. I tell her everything is fine and is processing, but she keeps calling those same places and delaying the process. I have obviously sent my DPOA papers so they really don't need to speak with her and also because I have told those businesses that she has Alzheimer's Dementia and gets info mixed up. But, she keeps calling and delaying....she must get the 'first person' who answers the phone and that person must think she is 'Ok' because we all know they can put on quite a front when they want to....then I have to call AGAIN and explain...I even mail them copies of the dr sumary showing she has Alzheimer's dementia but I think it has to do with the first initial person she talks with...what to do ??? Any suggestions??? I am looking for a phone to buy for her so I can block these specific numbers but I havent found one yet......does anyone know??? Pls help...
And she probably feels his loss more than you do, since she knew him longer, and they were in fact husband and wife. Calling may in fact help her feel that she's participating in estate management, giving her some peace and helping to redirect her thoughts.
What can you do to expand her circle of contacts to provide stimulation and support? Senior Center activities? I'm not criticizing, but I really think a point's being missed that she needs to be involved in something, and to interact with others, especially activities that help refocus her thoughts.
I remember my aunt doing that with the address book. She would get that book and call everyone in it. Some of the stories she would tell would have me very worried and I knew they weren’t true. I told her once, you need to stop telling others you aren’t doing well etc. She told me it made the story more interesting. What! This was years ago.
Today she screens her calls and never calls out.
LilRabbit
I would get her a new phone book of acceptable numbers to call. Or take her existing book and “redact” all no no numbers. Most likely, She won’t remember NOT to call them. Thats asking too much of dementia. Make sure you let the family and friends you leave in the book know of her condition.
I do that for Trust purposes, logging date, phone number, contact person, issues discussed, resolutions and follow-up actions. It's time consuming, but it needs to be done for billing purposes. And it also needs to be done just because I often have trouble remembering the details of some technical conversations.
If you create such a documented log, let her read it whenever she's in the mood to call, and ask if she has any questions that you can answer, inviting her to a discussion. Even if she doesn't understand, hopefully she'll feel a part of the estate plan actions.
I'm wondering specifically if she feels she needs to be a part of this post-death activity, since it was her husband and she may feel she still needs to take care of his affairs. Or she might feel she's being left out of the planning and activity.
Perhaps you could think of ways to bring her into the loop, w/o involving calling.
Or think of calls she can make that help her feel worthwhile but don't require as much involvement as the legal and financial aspects. E.g., assuming you ordered a headstone, she could contact the cemetery and ask about the progress. Or perhaps she could follow up with people who visited and just ask THEM how they're doing, thanking them for their support.