I have been caring for my mother and father for the last 6 yrs. I was staying off and on at their home the 1st 4 years. My father passed away almost 2 yrs ago and permanately moved in at that time to care for my mother. She was diagnosed with dementia 3 yrs ago and will be 90 yrs old next month. I cannot go into all the details of what I do everyday for her but she keeps me very busy. She has had stove/oven fires. And all day, every day is a scavenger hunt for things she has misplaced. She has to be reminded to take her pills. She cannot follow any directions and has no reasoning skills at all. She no longer handles her finances. All of this and mom thinks she just is a little forgetful and nothing else is wrong. My problem. I have been here at moms now for almost 2 yrs. 24/7. No one can come and stay with mom if I leave. My sister has offered to have mom go to her house for a few days to give me a break. Mom refuses to go. Says she wants to stay at her house and sleep in her bed. But complains all the time she wants to go to see her son 1200 miles away for vacation. No matter what I say, she will not go togive me a break. Question: If I leave mom alone, which she wants, can I be held legally responsible if she burns the house down or injures herself while I'm gone?
Next I suggest you call your local Alzheimer's Association and ask to speak with a counselor. They are available 24/7. They can help you decide what to do.
In my opinion, the reason things are so difficult, is in fact because there is a need for a care manager. If you wish to take on that role then there needs to be what we call a care plan.
Decisions will need to be made as to how yor mother's care is handled from the most basic of tasks to how are the bills going to be handled, who is going to be the Durable Power of Attorney f(DPOA) for finances and most importantly who will be DPOA for Healthcare.
You can seek answers on the internet but also locate an elder law attorney in your area. Ask for a one hour consultation so that you understand what is necessary and what is required. Don't just speak to the first person you find. Look into all of the elder law attorneys, ask around, then when you have identified someone you like go ahead and make an appointment.
Hope this helps. Good Luck.
If not, in-home care agencies offer varying hours. I'd start with having someone come a few hours a day while you are there before you take your trip. Then take your break and keep the help if you/she can afford it. You shouldn't be on duty 24/7 for years at a time.
Good luck,
Carol
If you can access it you can usually - and it is usually not a given force your Mum into respite care for one reason and one reason alone. If you don't have a break then you are going to have a breakdown...at this point it will all be taken out of your hands and your Mum would be put into care possibly permanently.
So to put her into care for a week or two while you have a much needed break is realistic and you must have agencies or possibly grant agencies/charities that would enable this.
If you rang APS and said you were on holiday for a week they WOULD step in and then there is a risk that you would be prosecuted for neglect. However if you consult in advance to arrange the care and are insistent on it then you won't be leaving her alone. She might be stroppy as hell initially but she will forget soon enough - My mum hates going into care for a week but she goes because I HAVE to have a break - all my family know when I need one - I cry a lot at stupid things.
Rarely do dementia patients admit they are not able to take care of themselves and insist on round the clock supervision. In their mind, they're fine. That's when they have to be taken care of as you would a child who isn't capable of looking out for themselves.
Getting her to accept the care is the key. There are many ways to do that, ranging from insistence to persuasion. I would certainly halt her cooking ability, even if I had to disable the stove or pull the circuit breaker.
I don't blame you for needing a break. You definitely need one. But before you take one you must line up in-home care for your mom or arrange for her to go to a facility while you take respite care.