My Mom told me she is losing her memory, that she forgets important things, and in the past 2-3 weeks I have come home to see her still in her PJ's. How can I help her? My Dad is aware and he told me a week ago that my Mom is forgetting thinks and wants me to pick up the slack per say due to he is just use to be tended too vs. my responds to him, on that if my Mom can't do it he needs to step up. He just doesn't want to and thinks everything should be done for him. I need some help on how to stay home to take care of both of them before things get worse. Please let me know what steps to take.
You may have to explain, or rather make it clear to him, that you can only do certain things and others either aren't going to get down or will have to be hired out. You can all work together, or he can remain accustomed to preferential treatment, in which case something else will be eliminated.
These aren't situations where responsibilities are elastic. It's hard for a man who's used to being waited on to recognize that this is going to stop and he's going to have to pitch in.
You might want to think of things he can do for himself, starting with one at a time and gradually adding more. But you will have to be firm in telling him you can't and won't do everything. And don't let him intimidate or guilt you into waiting on him.
Be prepared for resistance, but stick to your principles, and good luck. And remember that if you give in once, that sets a precedent. Many of us have been through this and write from experience.
Whatever you do, do not enable your parents to a point where they are continuing on with their lifestyle and you need to change your own. That is the mistake I made with my parents.... Dad stopped driving in his late 80's and I became their wheels, and my parents wanted to get out of the house 2 or 3 times a day. Mom wanted to go to 3 different grocery stores depending what store had what items on sale. And Dad wanted to go to Home Depot every other day... we would spend 2 hours in the store and all Dad had in his cart was a light bulb :P It's tough to say "no".
As Eyerishlass said above, if you are working do NOT quit your job. You need to get financially ready for your own retirement.
Is your dad aware that your mom is having difficulties? That is, does he accept it or is he in denial? Many spouses are in denial regarding the declining mental health of their partner.
Don't make any huge life decisions. Don't quit your job. Don't move. Don't do any of that. Make an appointment for your mom with her Dr. so she can be tested for dementia. Do this and see what the Dr. has to say then go from there.