So some of you know the Stage 4 part of the story, so I’ll skip most of that.
I’m my father’s only remaining direct relative although there’s an aunt (sister in law). Well, my father finally did it, passed out on the trike due to a heart blockage (not arterial). He’s gonna live, got a pacemaker, and I had to spend 3 days at the hospital because he kept trying to get up and walk away, thereby pulling the pacemaker out.
That said the question is now what to do with him, which, ironically, is his choice. I can’t control that so what do I do know?
My relatives aren’t doing a lot for him, keep pushing the work at me, and apparently are unaware that I was once a dedicated .gov worker until I got pooped all over, and now have work resist superpowers. Oh, and the minor deal that the drug I was taking was doing its damndest to kill me (really). I’m getting a new drug from a trial at Stanford that is very promising and should be much safer, but the withdrawal is awful.
What do I do?
Stay with my father until I die, hopefully many years from now? I’m being pushed this way, but if it goes that way, tossed my life into the toilet, doesn’t it.
Move my father into assisted living, we’ve been trying, I dunno.
Move him home, and I walk a way from my family.
To put my relatives into perspective.
Male Cousin, showed up ready to fight me, quivering with rage, I have no idea why.
Female Cousin, if you get sick, good luck, you’ve got money, take care of yourself.
Aunt, told me, “she knew someone who lived a whole year with my cancer”.
My father has become an Angel, all the bleep he pulls, well, you know how that goes with other people.
I think I want to walk away from all of them. They must care more than it seems, it would be almost impossible not to. That would mean my father doesn’t get to call me multiple times / year, and my relatives own him. I don’t think they’ll like it.
But, what part of Stage 4 cancer don’t they get?
It’s seems like nearly dying from cancer, being saved by a drug, that nearly killed me, to finally getting to something that looks promising. There’s several new drugs that have come out recently that give me a bit of hope.
Regarding cousins & Aunts. Shrug. They can say, do, think as they like right? What have they to do with your life?
Regarding your Father: He'll have to decide what he will do. His life, his choice.
(Unless you are his legal Guadian- are you?)
So, following this train of thought, it could also be your choice to walk away. You have to take care of yourself.
As for the relatives, they are pretty awful, so why would you want them in your life? You could choose (emphasis on word choose) to ignore them and their demands. Free will, dontcha know?!
Best of luck on finding your way out.
Your family and your father have shown you who they are now it is up to you to decide what to do for your own health and self perservation.
Your father is too wrapped up in his own life and his needs to be capable of offering any empathy to your situation. If he did he would be taking steps to make your life easier, not harder and more stressful. He would be moving into assisted living.
As for your other family members they just sound like giant a-holes.
I hope you choose yourself and do what is best for you. You deserve to put all your attention on fighting for your life.
You don’t have to explain why or make any excuses. You don’t owe them anything.
Taking care of your needs right now is your first priority.
Wishing you all the best, someguy.
They brought a robot into his room to yell at him. (See my avatar picture).
No one asked me to sit with him. Had they asked, I would have said "no".
Unless you say "no" to this crowd, YOU will be the plan.
Please take back your life.
Stop expecting "understanding". "No" is the only thing they need to understand.
YOU do.
You simply tell them that with stage four and medications you do not have the time, the inclination, or the ABILITY to care for your father. You tell dear dad the same thing.
You do not accept him into your home.
You do not go into his.
If you are POA you need to get rid of THAT right away.
If he is competent he can appoint aunt. If not, it's the state. But your letter of resignation goes in NOW.
You almost died of one treatment.
You may die of the next. Or of the cancer.
It is time to make it clear to family that you DO NOT CARE A FIG WHAT THEY THINK.
And it is time for you yourself to NOT CARE A FIG WHAT THEY THINK.
If you cannot do that, Someguy, then you are totally their PRISONER, so just start hoisting up the white flag right now.
You know all this. You're a smart man. I haven't told you a single thing here you don't know to your soul.