I can feel my mother being lonely. She hides it well, not to worry us. But I know she's depressed and lonely.
I'm there some of the time helping out and spending time with her, but I feel like she wants to be more social, but is incapable because of her hip problems.
Who's had to contend with this issue? And how did you solve it?
She’d complain about it, but wouldn’t ever take any steps to help herself. 😏
Sometimes, I would invite her to do things-volunteer in my classroom, meet people, etc. 🙂
Eventually, I gave up. She never took responsibility for her own socialization. 😫
Now, Mom is in memory care. She still talks about being “alone”. People are literally steps away from her room. Her answer now is, “I don’t mean “those” kind of people.”😩
I have to let it go. Otherwise, thinking about it makes me feel nutty. 🤪
I’m 76, and I was shocked to read your post. How about you ask her for her plans?
My mother is in AL, she uses a walker and joins in on everything, others are in wheelchairs they do as well.
If your mother is not in AL that well may be where she should be, she can make friends and participate in activities.
Her age, 70, is nothing! My friend had a hip replacement 2 years ago at age 97. He recovered and at 99 he still plays golf sometimes, though not as much. Has your mom had hip replacement, and if so, did she complete therapy? I cant imagine why anyone would be incapacitated by hip problems at age 70 when there are so many techniques to fix them.
You are doing a lot of guesswork here. You apparently haven't discussed this at length with her.
I would be interested in hearing what she has to say.
You are looking at things from your own perspective. Hers may be very different.
I took a 2 week trip to Croatia and Slovenia when I needed a hip replacement and had bone-on-bone pain to contend with. I brought a cane and did my best, and hung onto hubbys arm a lot. We had a blast.
If mom can sit down, she can join a book club or a senior center or any number of groups to stay in touch with others. Even if she has to travel in a wheelchair, elders get out and about ALL the time that way.
If mom is lonely, ask her what she plans to do about it?
Have you or she discussed placement in ALF? For some the social outlet is the high point of all that with lots of activities and visiting.
How about calling on the Church...you don't have to be out every night of the week joining activities but you just want people to notice if you are missing. The parishioners will come visit.
Loneliness and isolation are not good at any age. You didn't specify your mother's living arrangement. Breaking bread together is the best medicine.
There are "day" even 1/2 day morning programs. When my mother was able I would bring her once a week. There are also facilities that provide transportation--continental breakfast, hot lunch and exercise are usually provided. There is a fee. Your health insurance will cover physical therapy, speech and occupational therapy. There was an RN on duty at the facility my mother attended. I drove her to and from.
Prior to mother's decline, my mother attended daily Mass for as long as I can remember. She became very informed having been widowed at 56 years old. Parents married young so the 4 kids were adults when dad passed--thank the Lord. It was hard for her but she made a life and is now 85 years old.
Mom learned to maneuver the "Senior Citizen" centers...painting class on Tuesday, TaiChi on Wednesday and stuffed peppers on Friday.
I know when you're convalescent it's harder to get around. But, bring people in and not medical personnel but the neighbors, etc. Coffee, quiche and conversation go a long way. Every Sunday the Eucharistic Minister comes to visit mother with Communion, a Church Bulletin, a prayer and update on the latest happenings. Mother still gives her budget.
If mother doesn't belong to one, find a Church and register...you won't be sorry!
Every 5-6 weeks I call 2 of the Church ladies and we have coffee and quiche. We sit and chat for 2-3 hours and have a lot of laughs. I never have anyone refuse me. We are single, divorced, widowed and one with Dementia; we all need one another.
Their life becomes smaller when your loved one's health declines but you have to look at what you have left to work with right in your surrounding area.
Start with something small. The technology isn't enough. An UpWalker Lite gave my mother freedom. She was in bad shape during the Pandemic when the Lewy Body went full blown but has made strides with exercise and socialization.
I hope I was of some help to you. I know it's hard but take baby steps and get mother some fresh air too and a fresh bouquet of flowers at the market. Good walking shoes are a must and if your mother is able to get to the hairdresser's in town, what woman doesn't feel better coming out of the salon!
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