I miss my real Mom. She is a shadow of herself, with no personality.
Everyday I pray and say to myself I'm going to have more patience and be loving and kinder and touch my mom more. But I stay the same like a robot and bring her meals dress her and mostly leave her by herself . The guilt is awful. She's hard of hearing so I have to talk loud. Which makes my chest hurt. I cannot reason with her. She's says the craziest things I've ever heard. Don't understand something she is looking straight at. It's so upsetting every day. I miss my cool beautiful Mother. She was everything I aspire to be. Now she walks around half clothed smelly and hardly talks unless it's asking for food or drink. And I stay with a chip on my shoulder as my dad would say all the time. Any suggestions would help and thank you.
I believe that we pre-mourn our loved ones with dementia - it is the opposite of seeing when a child grows up & reaches each milestone whereas with dementia it is the removal of those same milestones that we mourn - when they need depends, when they need help to dress, when they need help to eat .... all are reverse milestones & we mourn that loss with each one repeatedly
I found it good to look at old pix of her when she was vibrant not as she was towards the end of her life - the gleam in her eye when she was 21 or the smile when she finally graduated university at 47 are all the pix you want to be in your mind's eye not the sickly person who needed help 24/7 - you will adjust if you can go beyond her recent time to her 'best' time for her - good luck in the future & a hug for when you need it