NYC and its environs--including distances for 100 miles or so around the city features a great many elder care homes for demented seniors, etc. I have been doing home care for my wife and I as I save money, I, personally, am becoming inclined to collapsing with fatigue and also having a nervous breakdown myself. If I go to cities or even towns remote from NY and get an apartment for myself there, I would put her in home care if the price of the service would not be a financial wrecker for me. I would be able to see her daily, and still have a bit of a relationship with her while existing myself in better health.
Have you looked into a facility where it has independent living and Assisted living and LTC too. You could live in the IL. You get meals and other things. Your wife goes to the AL or LTC. You will be close enough to visit.
I would check out Medicaid. As a Community Spouse, they will split your income. Hers will need to be spent down. Once that is done, Medicaid can be applied for. To do this though, she will need to be in LTC.
I suggest you call your local Office of Aging. Ask if there is someone there who can help you with options.
When I had to take her to a rehab center after her release from surgery and recovery, I am convinced that her intellect took a 20-30% drop from her enforced separation from me each time I visited and then had to leave. And, I must confess, I felt terrible having to leave her each evening when I left her rehab home. So, what I seek is a less expensive cost at assisted living for my wife and a place where I can get a regular tiny apartment for myself. I am a writer of stories, books, etc. so I could stay in any apt. that would accommodate my computer, my bed, a desk, minimal kitchen facility (e.g.g and my own private bathroom). But it appears almost as if there is some sort of cartel in this country that pushes every establishment's charge for housing the elderly deficient into a cost that is upwards of $5,000/mo and then adds on $1,000 increments/mo for every additional service they perform. Mental care (for dementia) adds about $1,700 per month.
The relative uniformity, across the U.S., of the fees for the housing of the elderly or mentally troubled in assisted living, seems to fly in the face of reason. The cost of the buildings, the level of pay for help, etc. is probably very different from New York City to a place in middle America, the south, and other possible living areas. Why should the fees charged for the AL services being rendered not vary accordingly?
My thanks to those who sent sample numbers re fees for care.
Facilities nationwide all charge thousands a month for their care. NYC is not unique. In home care is pretty much the same as well. Have you considered applying for Medicaid?