My mom says she can still clean her own house and is very proud of that fact at the age of 93. I am concerned because her opinion of clean is different than most. Her house needs a deep cleaning and not sure how to get that done without insulting her and hurting my relationship with her. Would like to hear what others have done.
If the house is unsanitary, buy her a cleaning service gift certificate as a gift and tell her it MUST be used or you'll lose all your $$$.
Why not be honest with her? Tell her that you are thrilled that she is doing so well but that at 93 years old she doesn’t have to work so hard anymore.
Tell her that she has earned the right to hire a housekeeper to clean. That is a polite way of saying that her housekeeping isn’t up to par.
Say that you don’t like seeing her work so hard and that you are afraid of her falling and breaking bones.
Does she have a birthday coming up soon? You could give her a gift certificate for a cleaning service. Maybe she would appreciate it and would see that it’s nice to have someone else clean her house. Does she have a large home?
Good luck!
The one without dementia was very stubborn about it so we had a discussion that went something like this:
"It's not a crime or a sin to need more help doing stuff. If I could wave a magic wand and have my tiled shower stalls cleaned by someone, I'd probably kiss the feet of that genie. If you could unload 1 or 2 tasks, what would they be?"
She did eventually confess to struggling with certain things. I told her I'd make all the prep to get it done for her and the minute she had enough of doing it herself, she just had to tell me and I'd pull the trigger and put it in motion for her. She called me about 4 months later and asked for more help.
I have nothing against honesty but sometimes what works is schmooze and some patience. Otherwise a senior can feel like someone is coming at them like a wave and they already have trouble with change.
Those with common sense will appreciate & respect it.
One of my relations spoke up about 'a few small leaks' & we discussed continence pant styles. She was pleased to know solutions & products were so readily available.
However, another relative was a 'care refuser'. No don't need any help to clean or shower. No amount of discussing the visibly dirty home or stale body odour worked. Had to arrange cleaner & personal care by stealth.
I was going to suggest contacting social services for her county to see if she qualifies to some in-home help. They can provide food prep and help with hygiene and light housework but you mentioned "deep clean" and they won't do this.
Just how dirty is her house? If she always had an antiseptic house (like my Mom the RN) then consider having different expectations now, as long as it isn't unhealthy or unsafe.
If you think that she will resist a cleaning service to come in to do a deep clean, you may exhaust yourself fighting this battle. Is her home down-sized so that her main living happens in just a few rooms? I'd start with "organizing and downsizing" with her to get things under control. If she agrees to it.
Then, delegated it on..
"Guess what I found out? The Council has a low cost cleaning service. They have a person to come on Xday to help with those bigger tasks. Now that would be *smart, *economical, *useful."(insert whatever term you prefer)
Perhaps be clearer about what you see as the problems. Is there mouldy food that isn’t being thrown out? Do the rooms smell? Is there pet poop on the floor? Is she a hoarder? Are there piles and piles of books and papers and washing that ought to be put away?
Is it just that her standards dropping a bit? Or what is badly wrong?
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