Ok, Where to begin? Almost 3 yrs ago my Father In Law passed away and my husband went into panic mode. You see, we had a lovely home but had a mortgage and with his employer he was stressed about loosing his job to cuts in the tech industries. So he made a decision without any discussions that we were to sell our home and move in with his mom to help with the house (paid for) on 27 acres since there was NO WAY she could take care of it. This meant uprooting our lives and our teen daughter from her in town living near friends and work and her school..to 20 miles in a new town to his country childhood home to help his mom. Since then it has become very clear that she is replacing her Husband of 52 years with her son, as her provider..she sits with him at night and watches TV, carries on conversations without me, calls him on the phone when she is at her Daughters house overnight which is supposed to allow us alone family time (him, me and our daughter) but she finds excuses to come home to make sure we are not doing anything without her. We have absorbed all the expenses of the updating to the house, to which she has not contributed to, but complains about. Sits in the family room, which we updated and de-cluttered and blasts the tv so she can hear it..which by the way we bought wireless headphones for the tv so she can hear it without us being blasted out. Does not cook..because everything is too spicy, turns the heater up since she is always cold, Vacuum hurts her shoulder, moves the silverware since that is where she likes it, reuses the swiffer sheets because it is easier than the floor duster I have, has to have every light on in the house and blinds closed incase someone is outside looking in, (remember we are in the country...27 acres), constantly talks about how precious her 27 yr old granddaughter and her 3yr old great granddaughter are..remember her 14yr old granddaughter lives with her and she ignores her...Oh..and I am the Devil himself..I am sure she looks at me for being in the way of her and her son! I need some help..I am going insane and going to commit some unspeakable crime! Just Kidding..
I am still flabbergasted that he could even imagine I would be his slave, with or without my husband. It didn't work for him, I wouldn't subject my husband to that attitude, he would have destroyed the joy we have and that wasn't an option. I swore to forsake all others when I got married.
I think that your husband needs to man up and create some boundaries with his mom. The 1st being treat you with respect and the 2nd, stop being perverted by using him as her man. He needs to not answer the phone calls. Could you guys go some place else for your family time? Cheap hotel that mom doesn't know about?
Look up grey stone, I think it might help you not commit an unspeakable, just kidding, crime😎.
Have you tried treating her like she treats you? A taste of her own medicine might make her see how rotten she is behaving. Just tossing ideas out. I feel for you, there is nothing as difficult as a hateful MIL.
Kill her with kindness cuz it's legal and what can she really truthfully say when you are never putting any force back, she pushes, you smile and step sideways, she falls on her face. Force on one side always ends poorly for the one exerting the force, worth a try.
I pray you find something that allows you some peace in your heart and head.
Hugs!
Your husband decided to move in with his mom? And your response was.....?
The reason that you need to have a means of making a living is so that you can have some agency in a situation like this. If you don't have a job, get one. If you are in any way " taking care " of his mom, stop.
You need to move on from this nightmare.