My 96-year-old mother has been dying for days. When she was found unresponsive at her ALF late on Monday afternoon, my brother went to the hospital and was allowed in because of her deteriorating condition. He stayed all night. On Tuesday, we got a call from the hospital, asking if we lived close, and we better get over to the hospital now--she was crashing. We went, stayed until 12:30am and finally asked the staff what they thought. They, of course, couldn't say for sure, but the gist is, she was more or less "stable." She has been put on comfort care instead of curative, which is what she would have wanted. We went back yesterday, sat for several hours, not much, if anything, changed. I am not complaining and I apologize if that's the way it seems. I'm just getting weary and don't know how much longer I can go in and watch my mother slowly die. Does anyone have experience with this?
My mother was a fiercely determined woman, and if she didn’t want me there, I did her no good by staying.
I sometimes think that these “vigils” are a little self serving on the part of the living. Each situation is VERY DIFFERENT though.
I know most people don't understand. All that mattered was I was there for my mom and know she was not alone.
If you need to talk...please reach out to me. I get it...completely. It is exhausting and something one cannot explain. It's torture on the loved ones. I'm here for you even though you don't know me.
People saying you'll be sorry is so wrong.
Only we know our personal situations and what our loved ones would want for themselves and what we can deal with. I don't believe that we have to watch someone die to prove our love.
I am sorry for your loss and I pray that God grants you wisdom and courage right now to do what you are supposed to do.
your mother may be “asleep” but you dont know for sure what she can hear.
tell her you love her and if she is ready to go to feel free to do that. Talk about good memories. Keep the bad stuff down the hall in the waiting area unless you feel it is helping her to be comfortable and ready to die.
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to post. Truly, every single response was helpful and made me feel less alone.
This is a wonderful forum.