My Mom died before Christmas & her memorial service is in a few days. I am providing the eulogy. Mom was very harsh, mean, & impatient when we (2 of us) were kids. We always felt like she hated that she had kids & would have given anything if we weren't around. At times she showed much more affection to other children.
As we grew older, she mellowed quite a bit, but this behavior left its mark on us. I read sample eulogies written by daughters about their mothers, but I just can't bring myself to write the loving things that they do. I have written about her background growing up in a large farm family & included some anecdotes of some amusing things that happened as we were growing up. I feel like I need to add more, but loving thoughts will not come. Any suggestions?
Thanks to all the contributors to this forum. I have learned a lot about dealing with frail, but difficult parents. Dealing with Mom's decline & dementia was made easier by reading about others' issues; what worked & what didn't. And I will continue to follow as now I have my dad to monitor!
Is there a passage of scripture or a poem that brings you peace, hope, or even forgiveness? That is what I we did at our father's funeral. Sorry for your loss, but now is time to heal your own soul. Best to you!
You can leave out anything that casts a resentment on the past. That is not the time for that to happen. You will hate yourself if your ruin it for others.
It sounds like your ideas for her eulogy are perfect. In my case, lots of other people love my mother because they see the mask she wears, not the REAL her. So, I plan to use that in her eulogy, how she was well loved by her caregivers and friends, etc. She doesn't HAVE any friends, but hey, it sounds good, right? She was always a great cook (force fed me until I got fat, then sent me to Weight Watchers at 9 years old), a superb housekeeper (would vacuum my room at 7 am to get my lazy ass out of bed), a devoted wife (truly hated my father and tortured him for 68 years of marriage), a loving sister to 7 siblings, etc. You can state the facts without adding the ugly truth in! That's what I plan to do. Close by saying she will be missed by so many people, but finally happy & at peace in heaven, reunited with her husband (poor soul) and relatives who were awaiting her with open arms (snicker).
Gotta laugh, right? God knows we've done ENOUGH crying!
Best of luck!!
I thought that would be a good line in someone's eulogy.
When my BIL's mother died I was agog to hear what he would have to say about her in his eulogy. I adored his mother but I was almost alone in my fondness for her. She was a woman of sharp intelligence who could have been anything if she'd been born fifty years later; as it was circumstances had frustrated her intellect and her ambition, and regrettably her abilities in her older age were often devoted to making life H*ll for those around her. BIL did not make any false claims about her sweetness or loving care. He talked about her interests, her living through key moments in world history and the perspective on these that she'd noted in her diaries, her vividness and wit. What became clear was that he loved her not because of her character as a mother, but in spite of it; and that he had all the same loved her devotedly.
So don't say anything about your mother that isn't true. The people listening will to a greater or lesser extent know what she was like, and quite apart from the fact that the words will stick in your throat you won't be fooling anybody. Have you forgiven her for not being the mother you would have liked to have had? Did you love her for herself? Did the demands she made on you have any positive influence on what you have become? Then say that. Love comes in many flavours. They're not all sweet.
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