And guilt tripping his step daughter into buying his scotch. Now they both say "if he wants to drink himself to death, that's his right" that's what makes him happy and complient. He signs himself out of the living center... baker act only is for 3 days... driving everyone to the point of hoping 🙏he will die soon. It's just not right... please help
Thanks for the update.
I am glad that he is in a safe place. The hospital staff will know how to deal with this from a medical standpoint. Medical professionals see this all the time. Alcoholism is a disease and needs to be addressed by professionals.
Friends and family members may be well meaning at first, then naturally become increasingly frustrated when they realize they aren’t able to help them. It’s a lot to deal with. It’s heartbreaking.
Addicts are manipulative when they are abusing substances or alcohol and family members are often enabling their lifestyle. Families need to be supportive of recovery efforts but must protect themselves as well. It requires the correct balance.
Many of us have had family members who have dealt with addictions. Throw other health issues on top of it and it truly becomes a difficult situation.
Withdrawal is brutal and is dangerous if it isn’t handled properly. Also, please be aware that relapses are extremely common. Recovery isn’t easy to achieve. It usually takes more than one attempt. I would suggest a support group for all family members to attend. Look to see where a chapter of Al-Anon is located. You will meet others that have experienced similar situations.
These situations are devastating for the addicts and their families. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Consider the following: Step one- the guilt ridden step daughter has to muster the courage to refuse to buy his booze. Step2- hide or dispose of the car keys. Step3- ask his doctor to issue a “do not drive” prescription. Step4- notify the DMV of his dementia and alcoholism and include the doctors order. Some states have an on line form you can use for this purpose. Step5- if all else fails, call 911 to report a careless driver with dementia.
You can't just cold turkey someone off of substances but, you can wean them off.
This could happen in about 2 months with each day having less alcohol and more water added to his drink.
He must be stopped from driving, even if that means jail for DUI. The law should be called every time his drunk self gets behind the wheel. If he injures someone or God forbid, kills someone he can be sued and lose everything, so they would lose everything as well. Is it really worth living with the knowledge that you enabled this person to kill or maim someone?
Edit: what type of living center? Someone should have a meeting with the powers that be and explain that he is signing himself out, drunk as a skunk and he needs to be stopped. What can they do? Call the police when they see him weaving out of the center. Call a caregiver to try and redirect him.
Ask them why they aren't protecting one of their residents from another of their residents? She needs to learn to call for help instead of hiding and the living center needs to assist her in her safety.
And as far as getting him to stop drinking, that will be impossible. An alcoholic will only stop when they are good and ready, or because they die. And how does his wife and step-daughter ever expect him to stop drinking, when they are enabling him by going to get it and allowing it in the home?
This is one crazy messed up household for sure. They all need help. Perhaps you can recommend Al-Anon for his wife and step-daughter, as that will help them see how they are in fact hurting him instead of helping him. Good luck. You're going to need it.
How does he ‘guilt’ his stepdaughter to buy his booze? What a mess! I hope that they can figure out a way to help him and spare themselves any further misery.
Best wishes to all of you.
If he has a diagnosis of dementia then one can surely contact the DMV for his state online and anonymously report him as a dangerous driver. Most likely they will send a letter informing him he needs to come in to be retested. No one should take him to that appointment or remind him about it. In the meantime, whoever is living with him is in the best position (and some say has the moral obligation) to remove the car and keys from the premises so he cannot kill someone. If this proves difficult then whenever he leaves the driveway 911 should be called every single time.