Any tips or ideas how a caregiver can save their own money?

Your first priority should be to yourself in supporting yourself and having funds in order to feed, cloth and house yourself. Other people's needs can get taken care of by either Medicaid or their own funds. Do not jeopardize yourself. For what? Now you find yourself homeless without your own money for you.

You should have been using your Dad's SS $ and his Medicare to pay for his meds/medical supplies. Never use your own funds (unless dad was reimbursing you?).

Trust me if it is not the Adult Protective Services it is the visiting nurses and if it is not the visiting nurses it is home care that tries to find fault when it is not your fault. They your siblings and these other people want people to spend their money on the necessities and doctors bills and transport to the doctors but have nothing left for themselves. That is what I call the caregiver trap. They trap you so you have to use Medicaid and medicare for expenses and then they fault you for trying to take the best care of your parents so they can come in like vultures and take whatever you got left and your dignity. Two of my siblings live far away and my one sibling lives here in town and she acts like although I do the dishes and clean the laundry sweep the floor and everything else around here she acts like like I don't put forth enough effort. I am up with my mom all day nearly making sure she has her meds and meals and that she is comfortable and my sister still finds fault. My sister and I argue so much about how much education the other one has had and my training is different than hers. She has gone to school to become a paramedic and has become very sterile and cold hearted in the process and lost all feeling and personality she had in the past. I have gone to school to try and double major as criminal Justice and corporate communications and had to take a sabbatical because of nerve problems and my moms health. I had to put my life on hold this past year. My sister gets to go out and live her life when do I get to live mine. My life is ruined from dealing with The Adult Protective Services and not finishing my education and my health among other things and I have had to spend money out for meds, the doctors, hearing and eye exams, as well as x-rays. I even had to buy a new commode because medicare would not pay for one when my mom needed a new commode. Since I cannot trust the home health care provided by the government and I am trying to find private pay home health I had to buy and Oxi meter and a new blood pressure cuff nothing fancy and a digital thermometer. The caregiver trap is that in this lifetime you may never be able to save much money because of the high cost of everything and with inflation and the economy it is near impossible to put any money away at all unless your a nurse or work for visiting nurses.

scifinutt, the Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA) is the Federal law that makes age discrimination illegal. It applies to workers who are at least 40 years old and to employers with at least 20 employees. Many States have similar age discrimination laws, and they can be more stringent than the ADEA. For example, the law in your state could apply to employers with less than 20 workers. You might want to look into that.

I'm 72. Too old to start a retirement account. Just got fired from my job of 9 years because of my age. I'm caring for my mom 91 years old with Dementia, and my 65 year old brother who has Down's syndrome and cannot be left alone. I'm exhausted, scared, broke. Mom made a mess of her credit before I discovered she had dementia, and I'm left to pick up the pieces. Too much money coming in for the 3 of us to qualify for help, but not enough money coming in to pay all the bills. Mom just had a bout with Lymphoma, and I still owe medical bills from that. There's still month left at the end of the money and my worthless brother would rather critisize and accuse instead of help.

I have decades of nursing experience, worked multiple full & part time jobs simultaneously for years, yet my siblings and spouse have no clue what I do for a living. Caregiving is brutal on the body and worse on the emotions, no matter if paid or not. Spouse finally believes me after caring for his dad for past year. He about lost his mind when dad started digging stool out with hands, although I told him many times that would happen.
Nobody knows what any job is really like until is becomes his or hers. Wasting your breath making them understand.
If you are new to CG role, have parents sign documents giving you financial reward after they die. If they cannot pay you, sign over house w stipulation they can stay til death, update will etc. No need to tell siblings. If they cared, they would already know. Good luck.

I've been hearing that a lot with the cholesterol drugs; know that I found that my dad had been on them when he wound up back in the hospital, where, with that time, there being 2 other family members in 2 other different hospitals in 2 other different states, he wasn't being watched over as closely as he should have been - there are only so many of us to go around - the hospitalist, who didn't really know him, put him on them and it wasn't caught but looking back was a time when he did have a lot of balance issues that did go away after it was caught and he was taken off - wondering if that's not a lot of the issue with hub's uncle and his falls and friend's mom as well - so tending to agree - "taking a pill" seems to be considered the easy solution - till the side effects get too bad, like blood pressure bottoming out

The above post by Rocketjsgl - good post, but in the wrong place so I reported it - this is the thread about siblings and the caregiver saving for retirement. Rocket person is writing to the different question about statin drugs and side effects. Too good a post to lose, so I hope someone moves it over to the right place!

Many drug side effects occur after many years, not just in the first few weeks. For this reason they are often not connected to the drug which the person took for years "without side effects." I was told an interesting story by a dental professional who had a patient in his 60's who was about to be admitted into a nursing facility because of severe balance problems. After stopping his long term cholesterol drug his balance returned and he avoided the nursing home. Yes, drug pushers (Pharmaceutical Reps) will discount such anecdotal stories as "unscientific" but for this person, and many others the link is clear. User beware! Perhaps, over time, Statin drugs will turn out to be the greatest fraud in Medical/Pharmacological history or not, but money and profit corrupts the medical system and this seems like a big experiment and patients are the unwitting Guinea Pigs. And frankly, good cholesterol values can be achieved easily with changes in diet and exercise. It is just that "taking a pill" while maintaining an unhealthy life style is easier, and many people are unwilling to change bad lifestyle habits.

I see that there are a number of other caregivers that are having the same problems we are having. My wife and I have been caring for her mother for more than 25 years. Her so called loving sisters will not help at all with the help of caring for their mother. They will not even watch her so we can get away for just the evening foe a meal together. We have drained our accounts trying to keep my wife's mother happy but all we get from the sisters is the words you will be sorry. They believe that they should get everything with the oldest being the most dishonest. The only time she comes to the house is after she talks to her mom and finds out we did something or got something new. When she shows up she will tell her mom different lies for the reason she shows up and then when she returns to her home She will call later to ask about what we did, or where did it come from. What I learned is above all else take care of yourself first. do not let the siblings get to you they will have to answer for their actions in the future.

got THAT right. It's a thankless job, and all one do is know they did the best they could with what they had to work with.

One of the recurrent themes of this blog is the self-centered sibling who doesn't want to help but who criticizes and interferes, making the caregiver's life all the more difficult. When a parent becomes sick and needs attention you learn a lot about the character of family members by the way they act. It is one thing to support "family values" but quite another to actually put those values into practice. There are a lot of people here who have dedicated their lives to caring for a parent. A tip of the hat to them. They deserve praise and recognition.

Thank you for this question - HUGELY important, and we have major cultural confusion on the topic. Our mentality was set in a time where families lived in villages, close to extended families and communities, and elders could age in place - sometimes there was an unmarried daughter who stayed home to give care, and in days before women worked, this was seen as a gift to both. Other times a married family lived by and shared. We need to get real. Focusing on ideal setups more common in the past has really left caregivers hurt, bankrupt, neglected, shunned by family and we find we have gotten so used to being out of the mainstream pace of activity, it seems too rushed for living.

Every caregiver should set up their own retirement account and send a notice to everyone in the family about where it is, and how they are losing the opportunities to grow that income by taking time to care. Maybe even call it by a special identification, this is the Caregiver Retirement account, in case other family members step in - contributions need to be planned, regularly, for a caregiver in a working world is not losing money, mostly - they are losing work time, time for training, for building their own retirement savings.

I found an excellent book that looks directly at family-care relationships that combine the personal with the professional - "The Nanny Whisperer" - although it describes the need to understand that although one expects a nanny to love and nurture a young child - for that person, it is A JOB - their time is not their own, they must focus attention on the child. It is a good book for setting up expectations - and the last chapters are particularly good, for they address the questions that come up, the personal relations stuff "what if the nanny does a better job than I do as mother?" "What if they think they know more" -

The focus in our culture on "freedom" and "responsibility" - are based on values of young males of working (or fighting) age - designed in times when any home care was left behind, delegated to whoever would do the job. The role is then ignored, or praised and put on a pedestal but still left behind for periodic visits. This is our society's idea of "normal".

Yes, there are cultures and settings where some families still live nearby, or some where working people hire caregivers, but the topic is left very vague, about what care is needed, what is enabling or what time does it take for a caregiver to learn how to do the job that is needed?

And even science which is looked to for most of the expertise - those scientists were often never involved in direct care giving - so they provide medication to calm anxieties or belligerence - and create ideals that do not fit each situation in many significant ways - leaving siblings arguing over standards of care.

Obviously I have a position on this topic - and it is for caregivers to come out of the shadows, talk with each other (this list is a great resource by the way!!) - and identify the nature of the job, the time, worry, problem solving it takes - TRACK it daily!

Have chapters on "Perceived goals for this month..." because needs of the elder person evolve, new risks emerge, and the official systems send in only part time helpers who then leave - no one spends time with long term helpers, but they are the ones who are the backbone of quality and dependable care, who see the first signs of new risks, and who learn by experience to address them early - but often so early that distant, busy people, don't even see the size of the risk and the strategies to resolve them and keep things healthy.

My first learning, after the passing of both my mom and dad... was to recognize that I CHOSE to be there. I decided that I wanted to help my parents and that helped me find peace in th along run and peace with my siblings. I needed to recognize that what I did every day was "my choice", not anyone else's. That enabled me to be happy with the past and let it go.

Then as far as dealing with siblings, they will never recognize what you do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Mine did not appreciate what I did and by the way, because they were far away, my mom ended up giving them more money and showing them more kindness than she did for me, because she was trying to win their love. I agree, this is something we all need to think about and you need to stick up for yourself.

When I finally brought that to the attention of my mom, she said... OK I will give you my house. The only problem was that she didn't own a house to give to me. It's important to choose to take good care of yourself to the extent that you need to. When a parent offers to pay for the coffee or medication or anything else, do NOT be silly and refuse. Let them pay and take accountability for themselves. Keep records and a detailed accounting. I figured that out way too late.

I chose to be "that kind of daughter". I wanted to be the good one. I wanted to be kind to both of my parents. I chose to make them my priority. For the rest of my life I will have good feelings about doing what I felt in my heart was right.

For the rest of their lives, my brother and sister will not have those good feelings. That peace in my heart is priceless.

Caregiverbob,

Look at my screen name - been there, am there. Brother and sister did nothing for 5 years. One too far away (but moral support would have been ok), and the other just wanted whatever money they had left. My Dad went on Medicaid pretty much the same time we knew he would need long term care. I had to spend down all their money. Mom was still "in the community" at that time. The money grubbing sibling got a lawyer to make sure he/she got their fair share. FAIR???? Not at all. I did it all by myself, caring for two parents,one with dementia and the other self medicated. FAIR? I think not, but I live with no regret and they are to deal with their own emotions. Dad passed and Mom is now in a home. They call and text now. Whatever....So finances...all I can say is don't get trapped in the same story with your Mom as you did with your Dad. You don't know when she will get sick. Don't do round #2. Get the house in your name. Does she have a living will? Find out. Are you employable? Being with people definitely helps. Use this time to plan for your own future. Put YOU first.

Wishing you a very bright future after care giving,
xo
-SS

When the time comes where the caregiver has to start using their own money to care for a parent, it is time to look into Medicaid. A grown child should NOT be expected to use their own funds for this.