I am trying my best to care for my 73 year old mother while trying to still have a life in my 30's. She started showing signs of psychosis months ago which ended up causing her to be in a psych hospital on three separate occasions. She lives alone and while she is in psychosis is adamant that she doesn't need help. She can be beliegerent and defiant at times which have caused my severe anxiety when dealing with her as I don't know how she will treat me at any given moment. In times of psychosis she also wanders which gets the police involved.
We have asked her if she would like for my brother and I to have POA to help her in the event she can no longer take care of herself. She stated that no one will have power over her and disowned us.
After the most recent hospital stay she came home and still exhibited some confusion, but was much Iike her herself which was a relief. From dealing with how she was the last two releases my anxiety and constant worry won't allow me to function and enjoy her moments of clarity.
Because she still has moments of clarity and can care for herself we feel like guardianship would be a long and expensive up hill battle. We ask family for help, but they only give suggestions and tell us to research things on our own which is overwhelming. We are not in a place financially to have an in home aide and don't have the heart to have these difficult conversations with Mom about assisted living or group home because we don't want to trigger her. It would be nice if family could take turns coming to visit her while at home, but they rarely do.
I'm overwhelmed and I feel like running away from the situation and I don't have the strength to be her caregiver, but i feel like I can't walk away. How do you cope?
I agree with FreqFlyer...has your mother been checked and "re-checked" for a UTI. They can mimic these symptoms and an elderly person cannot fight it off on their own--antibiotics, plenty of water and a shot of cranberry juice on a daily basis.
Also, at the onslaught of Lewy Body Dementia hallucinations, can be commonplace, unless there is a history of psychiatric issues.
Oftentimes, the right medications (Abilify, Citalopram low dose) can assist and get the serotonin to the brain. Your mother is only in her 70's. Does she live alone in a house or apartment?
Isolation is no good for anyone, unwell or not. Fresh air, walking speaking and interacting with people on a daily basis--Church involvement, volunteer work if able-- all of these things make up a balanced life. The computer and Netflix, CNN and a cat is not enough.
You are aware that things cannot continue on the way they are. What about the stove, unlocked doors at night or if mother sneaks out without a winter coat on.
Our loved ones need to be supervised, protected, fed and kept warm. You are only in your 30's but of course you love your mother but you are thinking how am I going to do all of this.
A hospital Social Work and a one-hour free consultation with an Elder Attorney. You know your mother best. Don't rule out Lewy Body Dementia--one day they are fine, the next a different person, the symptoms fluctuate.
Music also calms the elderly...
As Polar suggests, the next time she is hospitalized, go immediately to Discharge Planning and tell them that she a vulnerable who lives alone and that you are unable to provide care for her.
Do NOT sign her discharge papers or provide transportation. Make them find placement for her.
You don't have to walk away, but you need to scale way back. Only help as much as your mental and physical health allows. Don't expect other family members to help or visit her. They are probably very ill equipped to deal with her and want to steer clear.
It seems to me your mom should be in a lockdown institution so she can not wander. It would be very bad if she got lost and could not be found in time. Several years ago, a dementia person in my city got lost during the winter time. It was so cold, she hid in a public bathroom to keep warm. By the time people found her, she was dead. Very sad for her and her family.
The next time your mom ends up in the hospital, you talk to a Social Worker there and explain your mom's condition and that she wanders and can no longer live alone. Ask the SW to help place your mom in a home. Tell them (and stay firm) that you are not able to take care of your mom.
The test for an UTI is fairly simple. It can be tested at your Mom's primary doctor's office or even urgent care. If it comes back positive, antibiotics can help control it.