I'm going to have my husband evaluated by the Dept. of Motor Vehicles by way of an instructor going out on the road to actually see his driving abilities (like they do with teenagers). His doctor has never seen him drive and my eyes are closed most of the time I'm with him when he's driving (I've been complaining about his driving for as long as I've known him, so I can't be objective. Of course, he doesn't think his driving is getting dangerous and he flatly refuses to believe that he needs to quit driving.
I hope he listens and takes the test.
I hope he listens and takes the test.
I would think if the instructor feels DH should not be driving, he will take the licence right there and then. It may be up to you to take the keys and put them in a safe place.
You can have his DL pulled as an unsafe driver. He will have the option of appealing the suspension, but he has to do a driving test to prove his driving is acceptable.
This is when I'm glad my mom was all, "Sell the car kids, I'm done," when the eye doctor said it wouldn't be a good idea for her to drive anymore. Of course that makes us chauffeur on occasion, but thankfully I've worked it out with her caregivers to tote her around when she needs to. And every once in a while we take a quick trip here and there.
When I hear things like this, as I commented before, I think of the George Weller incident. Google it if you aren't familiar. 86 year old man turning the wrong way, going 60 mph through a Farmer's Market. All he could say when he got out was, "Why didn't you get out of my way."
Thank you for getting him evaluated. He and you deserve the dignity, and above everything else, the safety.
Are you going to do the driving now? If so, you need to keep the keys with you all the time for a while. You will need to stand by the locked driver's side door and refuse to budge. Take him around to the passenger side with the remote in your hand , unlock the doors and if he bolts for the other side of the car, hit the lock remote and wait . Smile and ask if he's ready to be chauffeured, won't he enjoy looking out at the scenery, and "NO YOU ARE NOT DRIVING......I AM! If YOU don't want to ride, we're NOT GOING!" End of story, over and over again until he understands.
Stay strong and try to understand how he feels. If he's anything like my guy, and it sounds like he is, this is going to be a rough few months for both of you. I kept a vision in my head of kids I know, I didn't want them to meet my husband by accident! I didn't want him running down a mom with a stroller, an old lady with groceries! You get the idea. He's sure "he's okay" as apparently he has been driving that way for quite a while. He knows "it's everyone else", he knows you're "crazy" if you think he "can't drive"!
My heart goes out to you both, I myself dread the day I can't drive. It's such a loss of independence and happens quickly with dementia. Your patient can still do lots of things and will argue this constantly for a while. Bluntly, he's gonna be damn mad! I will be thinking about you, you can stand the onslaught! Don't kid yourself and give in, it just makes it harder the next time! Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you, as they are with every single caregiver trying to do this job we never asked for, never trained for, and never ever wanted in any close personal way.
I'm 68, and moved to a new state and town by myself, and didn't know anyone well enough I could ask to drive me there and back for a colonoscopy (which I need every 5 years because my dad died from colon cancer). I checked into arranging a 'paratransit' minibus with the local County Transit District, but I didn't qualify because I wasn't wheelchair-bound. I looked into an Uber, but because they'd have to wait in the waiting room the whole time, the cost was beyond my ability. So I put it off for two years, and by sheer luck, met and fell in love with someone who could drive me. I
You might just have to take the keys.
The DMV test will be done. If your worst fears are borne out then he will likely lose his license. It will then, as JoAnn say, be up to you to disable or sell the car. Sorry you are facing this, but whether your eyes are closed or open in the car, your husband may well kill someone if he is an unsafe driver. My brother had to come to a severe accident for his full diagnosis to come to the fore, and luckily only he was hurt, not others.
No doctor is likely to whip away a license or even report, which is sad. I did experience once a case where an impaired (eyes) senior was asked by the doctor "Are you carrying your license" and replied he was. Doctor asked "May I see it" and my brother's ex handed it to him. He held on to it and said "You cannot drive. I am taking your license". I assume he turned it in to DMV? My brother's ex went to DMV to change license to senior ID, so SOMEthing sure happened. That was in CA. I have never otherwise heard of such an instance.
I found this website that gives info on different state laws.
https://adsd.nv.gov/uploadedFiles/adsdnvgov/content/Boards/TaskForceAlzheimers/State%20Regulations%20Dementia%20and%20Driving.pdf
A hospital system in our state offers a program that doctors can refer patients. They are tested with simulators and if they don’t pass that way they aren’t even taken out for a road test.
https://prismahealth.org/services/rehabilitation-and-physical-therapy/outpatient-rehabilitation/driving-rehabilitation
Disable your DH's auto by any means possible.
You are so wise to have given up your license. I gave mine up in my late 70s as well. Had not driven much for years, vision was poor in right eye, and felt I was a danger to others.
So far, I have no memory issues--except occasionally where I put something or exactly why I came into a room. My 22 Y/O mini-SUV is a stick shift, which requires attentiveness and a certain amount of coordination to drive; it should become apparent when I can no longer manage. I drive generally within a 5-mile radius on well-known roads, during daylight hours and in decent weather.
My vision is good with glasses, and I wear hearing aids so that I will hear road sounds, including sirens. In January DOL renewed my license for 8 years (which BTW I think is way optimistic!). For now, I think I'm a competent driver--although not under all the conditions I was 20+ years ago. Does anyone else cringe at the many young people who blow through stop signs and red lights, tailgate and cut sharply in front of other drivers these days as they give the 3-finger salute?
However, the last time she had to renew her license she failed the vision test, and it turned out the examiner had put in a Chinese test, not an English one. I often wonder if they did that intentionally, but either way, she failed and they wouldn't let her retake it.
That was the end of her driving, and no one complained about it.
Although caregiving has many similarities, when it’s your spouse we carry an additional burden. Time seems to stop. I wish you comfort during this painful chapter. It’s really hard.