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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I read your profile. Since SIL is financial POA she should be doing her parents finances, not you. You really have no control to be able to talk to people for him. She does and she needs to be tending to it.
Its nice that some of the grands are willing to help but, you are just enabling/disabling you in-laws. If they have the money, they would do so much better in an AL. FIL will only get worse. In an AL they have help and meals.
First question is: Have you already tried to de-clutter with her and are met with resistance? If so, then I agree that a 3rd party person may defuse the emotion in making changes. You could even have a friend "pose" as a declutter expert, and you just coach her/him prior to arriving as to what to say and suggest to move.
Seniors are reticent to make changes for a variety of reasons, some reasonable and understandable, and some totally irrational (like Tothill's dad). Some may not be full-on hoarders but are sliding in that direction, which is extremely common in the elderly.
One thing to keep in mind is that elders move at a much slower pace (both physically and mentally) so they can take longer to decide on or process changes. Best not to "swoop in" and do things quickly as that will surely meet resistance.
I recently had some success with my 102-yr old aunt who uses a walker full-time in her tiny and cluttered FL home. I suggested to her that we really needed to create wider walk paths for her walker and her sister's wheelchair. This required throwing out an upholstered chair (that was torn to shreds by their cat) that stuck part-way into the walk path. We relocated a bookshelf from a narrow hallway, and rearranged furniture. I think it's more acceptable if things aren't being discarded, but rather relocated. Another strategy is to move the car out of their garage and "stage" items on a clean tarp while it is decided where they can go if brought back in. Often the elder will no longer miss the item that is in the garage because it's out of sight. This makes it easier to part with. She also had scads of vases from floral arrangements. I put them all on her table and we discussed how she could certainly keep 1 of each size but not all of them. The rest were donated. FYI things are always designated as "donated" until they're not -- it's easier for them to accept this over being thrown out. My aunt often went poking around in the garage at night after I'd left just to make sure her things were still there. Sigh. We did make progress, though. Hope you have success in seniorizing her home.
Your profile talks about the situation with your in-laws, is this the Mum who has clutter, or is it your mother?
Many seniors are very attached to their stuff. My Dad is a hoarder and takes it to an extreme.
Sometimes it is easier to have an outsider come in to tell them what needs to be done. They will still kick up a fuss when their stuff is moved, but it takes some of the pressure off you.
To give you an idea of how my Dad thinks... Dad is a fall risk, there is far too much furniture and piles of stuff in his house. He thinks he will use the furniture to help him back up when he falls. He does not consider that there is more stuff for him to hit his head on when he falls.
Yet 20 years ago, Dad put in grab rails and bars all over the place as he had heard that falls were lead to the deaths of many seniors.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Its nice that some of the grands are willing to help but, you are just enabling/disabling you in-laws. If they have the money, they would do so much better in an AL. FIL will only get worse. In an AL they have help and meals.
Seniors are reticent to make changes for a variety of reasons, some reasonable and understandable, and some totally irrational (like Tothill's dad). Some may not be full-on hoarders but are sliding in that direction, which is extremely common in the elderly.
One thing to keep in mind is that elders move at a much slower pace (both physically and mentally) so they can take longer to decide on or process changes. Best not to "swoop in" and do things quickly as that will surely meet resistance.
I recently had some success with my 102-yr old aunt who uses a walker full-time in her tiny and cluttered FL home. I suggested to her that we really needed to create wider walk paths for her walker and her sister's wheelchair. This required throwing out an upholstered chair (that was torn to shreds by their cat) that stuck part-way into the walk path. We relocated a bookshelf from a narrow hallway, and rearranged furniture. I think it's more acceptable if things aren't being discarded, but rather relocated. Another strategy is to move the car out of their garage and "stage" items on a clean tarp while it is decided where they can go if brought back in. Often the elder will no longer miss the item that is in the garage because it's out of sight. This makes it easier to part with. She also had scads of vases from floral arrangements. I put them all on her table and we discussed how she could certainly keep 1 of each size but not all of them. The rest were donated. FYI things are always designated as "donated" until they're not -- it's easier for them to accept this over being thrown out. My aunt often went poking around in the garage at night after I'd left just to make sure her things were still there. Sigh. We did make progress, though. Hope you have success in seniorizing her home.
Many seniors are very attached to their stuff. My Dad is a hoarder and takes it to an extreme.
Sometimes it is easier to have an outsider come in to tell them what needs to be done. They will still kick up a fuss when their stuff is moved, but it takes some of the pressure off you.
To give you an idea of how my Dad thinks... Dad is a fall risk, there is far too much furniture and piles of stuff in his house. He thinks he will use the furniture to help him back up when he falls. He does not consider that there is more stuff for him to hit his head on when he falls.
Yet 20 years ago, Dad put in grab rails and bars all over the place as he had heard that falls were lead to the deaths of many seniors.