She lives in her own home. Broher lives with her, bu won't help much. Makes food for himself but not mom. She cant eat what he makes for himself. She could sometimes have a small amount but won't. He won't rince dishes and put in dishwasher. Mom won't leave dishes in sink. Won't use paper plates. Can't talk to eighter of them. Mom is rigid and co-dependent wih brother.
Mom pulled muscles in arms and shoulders. Woman pulling on her at mamagram place. Had to hold her up. And mom And has arthritus in one arm. She uses walker. And she pulled a muscle putting dishes up on shelf. She wento doctor. He prescribed cream tha made her dizzy. And she fell and hur her arm again. Perscribed tylinol cause asperine she was faking made her somach feel bad. I doesn't work. She cant take perscription pain meds because of her other pills. I got her a small moist heat pad. She asked me to buy bigger one. I did. She refuses to have someone come make her meals and do dishes. I live an hour and a half away. She doesn't have dementia. Her mind is fine. She wont take meals on wheels. Every time I bring it up she has another reason to say no. She has to eat low salt and is obsessive about it is one reason. She has kidney disease.
Barbara
1. I assume that your brother intellectually disabled or mentally ill in some way. Has mom established a special needs trust for him? Otherwise, when she falls and needs NH care, she will be forced to use her money to private pay until she qualifies for Medicaid. Make sure that she has established this sort of trust AND someone other than you to be the trustee. He may need someone to act as his guardian. Again, NOT YOU.
2. If you don't have a therapist, find yourself one. You need to have someone who will tell you that your mom's unhappiness is not of your making and not within your ability to fix.
3. Investigate your community's supportive living situations for your brother. Does he have a caseworker? Is HE getting treatment for his anger and whatever demons are driving his behavior?
Good luck, and keep us posted.
You could send your mom a package of pain relievers such as were mentioned above, However, if it's just muscle strain, it will abate on its own, in time. It is kind of you to TRY, but sounds like she throws up roadblocks to all your suggestions. Same thing happened to me. Best advice? Step away. You are too far from the problem to DO anything, and even if you were right there, doubtful you could do much more. Your mom sounds more than capable of making her own decisions and she has to live with the consequences.
I'm down from 2 days of caregiving/punching bag duty to maybe one phone call every other week. Try distancing yourself.
She can't afford it. She can. She just wants to keep as much of her money as she can for brother. To pay home and living expences after she dies. He is on SSI.
She says he has a long life ahead of him and living is expencive.
Brother doesnt like people in the house. He lives with mom. He gets iritable and upset sometimes with people in the house. Mom says she cant take his yelling, complaining, etc.
Even without people in the house he gets very angry about things sometimes. And yells, and sometime throws things. Mom says she would be embarrassed to have people see that. That was why protective services was called. Cause of brother. She is rigid and has always done what she wanted. No matter what I or anyone said to her.
As for the pain relief, is it possible that her pain is aggravated by her diet? Carrageenan is a food additive in yogurts, whipped toppings, puddings, ice creams, etc. and it aggravates arthritis by causing further inflammation. There are a few other food additives that cause inflammation, and sun sensitivity, etc. you may need to look in her cupboard, then look up the unpronounceable things on the ingredient list.
You cannot fix her codependency with your brother, nor can you fix his complacency about slovenly habits. But, perhaps suggesting replacing heavy plates and glasses with lightweight plastics, and getting your mom a "grabber". They are available in many pharmacies and stores, and while they won't lift a stack of heavy crockery, they can be used to place or retrieve lightweight plastic dishes and glasses, etc. and while she doesn't have dementia, she does sound like she is having difficulty accepting the limitations that come with aging. Perhaps you can take a community service class on geriatrics, if they have them. They are often free, at the senior centers, and can offer helpful strategies and ideas for improving life and relationships in this difficult time.
Sounds to me like she needs to be seen by an aging specialist - a geriatric doctor who understands how the elderly handle medication differently than adults and get her into a Physical/Occupational Therapy assessment. The elderly are different just like how babies can't take the same dose as an adult and require a pediatrician. Geriatricians treat the elderly as their specialty.
It also sounds like social services need to get involved over there. This is beyond what you can solve by yourself from a distance.
You can make an anonymous call to report a concern about a vulnerable senior and they are required to go visit in person and assess the situation. Your mother does not sound safe in that house due to her injuries and special diet.
When your gut tells you this is not a good situation, it's right. Brother doesn't count as a care-giver to mom. So proceed as if he's not there at all.
As far as pain and dizziness - you have to be careful but check all her meds. Turns out PEPCID can cause memory issues and wooziness too. Mom finds that Excedrine Tension works good in the AM (has caffeine so not good in PM).
We found a spray pain reliever at CVS (their own brand) says compare to Aspercreme....Easy for mom to use and works well and no smell (no menthal).
Might try ARNICACARE GEL - says for muscle aches and pains but Mom has found this works well for her arthritis. Again easy to apply. Pain patches are another possibility but you need to work with the Dr. to figure out the right does to control pain and NOT cause additional symptoms. Also check NUCYNTA - they have a 50 mg ER that works well for mom at night and seems to have few side effects.