First off let me add I'm not a caretaker I help out because I live with her and no other sibling will deal with my mother who seems to be a narcissistic being and could possibly have memory loss or dementia? Don't know because her doctor seems not to care as well as my mom. Well my mom is 73 years old has diabetes water in the lungs plus heart problems as well as mental issues. Refuses to walk which enabled her walking ability so now she uses a scooter everywhere or a wheelchair. She refuses to take a shower or wash or cook for herself. Grant you it's hard for her but mom is capable of doing it. She has been lazy her whole life and had her kids doing serving her as servants my father had to have two jobs because she was lazy plus she verbally abused and physically abused her kids so their is a lot of resentment. How do I deal with a person who says I deserved to be molested as a child and how I needed to be hit? Even to this day I can't do anything right , she complains about the way I cook, clean talk everything plus she has stated how she is going to get me into trouble by telling the doctor I'm mean to her ?? Won't lie i have yelled at her but she mainly makes me cry. Today she insisted on going to go get a pie and it was late . I told her not to because she was eating to much junk food as it is but she went anyways and then I got a call from her that she fell and the ambulance would take her to the hospital. My fear is she out to get me.
Your mother is diabetic, overweight, has heart disease and inhibited breathing (because her failing heart means that her lung tissue is full of fluid and can't take up oxygen as well as it should). She does nothing to help herself or improve her own health. Before long, she will have a heart attack or a stroke. Meanwhile, because her brain is deprived of oxygen, she is at risk of TIA's (I'll lay a pound to a penny that that's what caused her to fall) and will be developing vascular dementia.
You may feel bad about your mother's poor health and your inability to persuade her to take better care of it. But your fear that others will blame you is not based in reality. It is part of the FOG - the sense of Fear, Obligation and Guilt - that your mother has enveloped you in since birth. In the real world, in the world outside your mother's bubble, you are not responsible for the choices and behaviour of another adult.
So, again to be blunt, your mother is at this point the least of your worries. There is nothing you can do that will be helpful to her.
Where to live, how to support yourself, and the best possible arrangements for your beloved pets - focus on their wellbeing, and you will feel better about it if you are forced to part with them - these are the things you should be working on.
You need to talk to the doctor in charge of her care about her behavior and memory loss.. she should have a psychiatric evaluation while she is there.
If she stays in the hospital for three days, she becomes eligible for 20 days of rehab, paid for by Medicare. Sounds like a couple of weeks of physical therapy could be a good thing for your mom!
That should be your signal to get up and leave. You shouldn't be living with, let alone assisting a person with that attitude towards you.
If she goes into care, you will need to find a place to live, won't you? So you need to start organizing this now.
I'm sorry if the pets are an impediment. But right now, you need to save your OWN life.
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