When I tell him that we are home, he refuses to believe me and continues to talk about wanting to go home. At bedtime, it often gets worse and I may spend a rather sleepless night because he will not settle down and relax. I have been giving him melatonin early in the evening to help him relax, and the neurologist has prescribed trazadone to help him sleep. But sometimes he gets so worked up, even the meds don’t help too much.
What I know now is that people with damaged brains can believe two contradictory things at the same time. Coy could believe that all the things in the room belong to us, and that the room is a bus depot.
I learned that it is pointless and even harmful to reason with someone whose reasoning ability is gone. It is just frustrating for both of you, and generates negative feelings. I was trying to use logic with someone who was no longer logical.
I don't think I learned it soon enough to help in the early "I want to go home" stage, but I did learn eventually that things worked best if I could try to join Coy where he was, instead of expecting him to join me on the logical side of reality. Here is the approach I took later in his 10-year journey:
Why are you standing at the door?
I'm waiting for the bus to go home.
(Glancing at clock) Oh, I'm so sorry dear but there are no more buses tonight.
(Very disappointed) Oh no! I am so tired I just wanted to go to bed.
Well I know of a place you can sleep tonight, and we'll figure out the bus schedules tomorrow. I think you are going to like this place.
(Short wheelchair ride, at threshold of bedroom) This looks exactly like my bedroom at home!
I thought you would like it. I'll help you with your pajamas.
We were both satisfied.
Here is another responses that members have had some success with:
I can't take you home until they finish the work on the sewer system in the street. But aren't we lucky to have this nice place to stay while we are waiting? I bought some Girl Scout cookies today. Let's have a couple with a glass of milk."
No one is born knowing not to argue with someone who has dementia, and they don't issue manuals on the subject. I was lucky to find a local support group, online discussion boards, and books.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, for me everything is harder with sleep deprivation. I pray the Dr can help.