I so very much appreciate everyone on this site. You have never met me but I feel accepted and cared about.
Thank you for the answers, ideas, criticisms, knowledge, and even some love.
Thank you, all.
I know; in my head; that I need to find a way to NOT strive, live, wait or hope to obtain some love from my mother. Yet, my heart aches when I confront the reality of my life as her daughter.
Knowing that my own Narcissist mother is nearing the end of her life, makes me panic. I panic because I feel that my time to get her love is finite.
I know I sound very selfish. I try hard to NOT make anything about me. I just want her love but I know that I will probably never get it.
Why is it so hard for me to disconnect?
Why can't I be stronger?
I am starting (thanks to this group) to:
*stand a little firmer
*say 'no' a few times to my mother
*occasionally hang up the phone when repeatedly insulted
*state that I feel we (mother and me) could get along better
* not go to her home as often or spend weeks/months at her home
This forum is so much more than I thought it could ever be.
Thank you to all of you.
I appreciate every response, every idea, every wonderful criticism,
every encouragement and everyone! I hope I will give back to this forum; at least; as much as I have been given.
Bevel2
This conversation will be difficult for you, I know it would be for me. Rather than trying to remember what you want to say, write it down and just read it if you have to. Along with that, I still think you need some counseling.