My father is verbally very abusive to all that are trying to help him. Since his stroke three years ago he is getting progressively worse. Mom is afraid to challenge him on this and if he does not want to move into this new place then she won't go.
We have everything all lined up in a very nice place for them where they will have their own private place and where they can be together. Mom is all for it, but Dad refuses to go.
Stop throwing shade at people who are dealing with placement. It's hard enough without your cryptic digs.
You make a choice or life will choose for you.
Good Luck!
I think one of my mistakes was instead of having 2 suites we opted for a 2 bedroom suite which was pretty cramped. The place was beautiful. In hindsight I wonder if we had gotten 2 suites then maybe she would have settled in better.
My mother is adamant that she would never go to a nursing home and that was one of the reasons she agreed to assisted living. In the 7 months they have left assisted living they have both had 3 trips to the hospital and Mom a stay at rehab.
Navigating elderly care is really mind bending and hard to navigate with parents.
Good luck!
Encourage your brother to check in with out being put to work.
I know that sounds harsh, but your dad needs to see his reality.
Yea mom! I am so happy that she has decided to go and get care for herself. Well done!
The second thing I have to suggest is that the person you really need to convince is your mother to make the move without your father. Your dad will probably never willingly make the decision to go but if your mother goes he may follow. That decision is hardest on your mother but you may need to work in that direction to get her out of what is basically a hostage situation. Your first priority is to keep her safe and it doesn't sound like she is. She needs to go ahead and make the move without him. If he refuses then he stays behind. Or follows later when he can pretend it is his decision to move. As long as he thinks he can call all the shots he's never going to make the move because he's reached the place where the needs of others no longer count to him. That your mother would be happier is not his concern. Unfortunately this selfish attitude seems to increase with age. Once he is on his own you will need to do the bare minimum to assist him. He has to make a go of it on his own until he has some realization that he really can't live by himself. This often is just waiting for the disaster to happen.
Also, I wonder about his mental health status - dementia, anger issues, etc - which may need to be addressed. Is he under the care of a mental health professional?
When my dad had to move to assisted living it was a nightmare but he eventually begrudgingly went but I didn't have my mother in the mix. Unfortunately his stubbornness about being able to take care of her (she was frail and had dementia) had led to her death years before.
Good news, Mom has chosen to move into the care home.
My brother took her over, but Dad refused to go so they left him home alone. My brother will be checking on him regularly to see how he is doing and is safe.
We are hoping he will decide to join her soon.