I'm caring for an extremely abusive mother, gave up everything for her, now she wants to kick me out. No money to move? I am at a total loss, mix threats, bulling, and heavy drinking with bipolar = hell. I moved home and gave up alot to take care of my mother. 24 hr care, did everything for her. When she was in hospital I had to legally fight my sister to make sure she could come back to her home and stop her from "pulling the plug|" Now that she is back to pretty good health. The threats are starting, EMS had to be called three times because she was drunk and fell. Told them I was abusive and a big drinker. Luckly they believed me. I am in poor health myself and on disbility with upcoming surgeries. I don't have the money or strenght to move and no where to go. She is trying to take my care away. I live in Ontario, Canada and I can't believe that there is abolutly NO support for caregivers anywhere to be found, as in discussion groups, housing and financial support. We are just as abused as if in an abusive marriage only difference is we looked up to and trusted them our whole lives. How hope all you caregivers are really making an effort to be kind to yourselves. I do silly things like if I make her toast I butter mine first. Or say no problem, I'll get to that. and do something for my self first even if its just a cup of tea. If anyone is in the same situation would love to hear how your dealing. Take care
(some great insights in that one in my opinion, & I'm working hard on a reply, & it'll be posted as soon as it's finished)
I talked my friend into leaving messages on the machine about rental options a couple of times and the threats stopped. Purely by accident I found the solution. Maybe it will work for you also. I would be gladly play "Realtor" for you if you want to give it a go.
Pana.
ive seen mom run my sister off two times in the last 15 yrs . both times it was because sister was overbearing and taking control away from mom in moms own home . dont do more than necessary for your mom . its more about helping when needed than it is a babysitting gig .
Does your mother have a diagnosed condition or does just have the normal things of getting old with bpd and alcohol abuse? Is she on any medications? Most of the ones for bpd don't mix so well with alcohol, so I wondered if that may be contributing to her foul moods. I suspect that she has always been difficult and that now you feel stuck.
Since you don't have the means to move at the moment, is there a way you could pull back emotionally from what is going on? We often can change a situation by changing how we feel about them. If you could see your mother as a difficult client, and not the mother who caused you grief, would it make it any easier on you? This could accomplish two things -- your mother would be getting care and you would have time to figure out what you're going to do next. I don't know what that will be, but my first thought would be finding my own place. You're on disability, so I wondered if they have subsidized housing in your area.
How old is your mother?
She has bipolar and drinks? That is a major no, no!
Has she always been verbally abusive?
Has her doctor evaluated her for dementia?
How long have you been your mother's caregiver?
Who is buying her alcohol?