How do I handle juggling both my personal life and my mother's care needs in her facility?

My wife and I have been fighting a lot more recently. My mother is currently in a care facility that is nearly two hours away from our house. It was the only facility that would accept my mother. She is on Medicaid and she is in a locked down memory care unit in a SNF. It is not the best place, but that is besides the point.

My mother's issues are slightly complex and nuanced. We have tried a plethora of treatment options to deal with her behaviors when she gets triggered by something, but nothing worked. That is when the officially gave her a Dementia related psychosis diagnosis on her file, which I did not know was like a major red flag that limits the pools of faculties that would take her greatly.

The issue is her delusions themselves are not considered violate or safety hazard in itself, so her medical team simply said all we can do it mitigate and remove her triggers. Problem is my mother's trigger is essentially being left alone. If she has someone with her that actively engages with her she fine, as her doctor puts it she is "pleasantly demented" that is the issue, no place will provide that, and I cannot afford to provide it,

Her currently place took her in by the grace of God, but I pretty much have to go 3 to 4 times a week minimum or my mother freaks out. This is where the fights with my wife stem from. Prior to her placement, I was paying for PCA services, with a minimal hours provided by Medicaid, was something like 28 hours a week. What a joke, I covered the rest but I was not able to sustain it so I had to place her cause Medicaid is limited in what they provide care for.

I was out with my wife on Valentines Day and my mom's facility was blowing up my phone because got it in her head she needed to get back to home to me. Part of her delusion is I am still a child, which makes matters far worse cause she gets into this mother bear mode that cannot be dissuaded. I tried to claim her down via FaceTime but she was not having it, so I had to cancel our plans and drive down, while talking to my mom the entire time. When I arrived I was able to relax her, reading to me relaxes her. We tried to do it over FaceTime but as mentioned she was not having it.

My wife and I got into it, she told me she felt neglected, and her needs always had to come last. It is not my intent, I have tied to explain I am currently looking for a care manger to help me out, but they are pricey and it does not solve the issues of her behaviors either.

Putting her a psychological facility is also not a solution, I spoke with her doctors and they strongly advice against it. The way the explained it to me, is, what she is feeling is a response to a trigger and a valid one. In her head a group of people are keeping her away from her child. When she was home it was not an issue because I legit was across the street. We got her into an apartment across from our house.

It is not so simple here. because my mother still can retain information to a degree so therapeutic fibs only go to add to the powder keg. When it mind catches up with the fib she explodes. Thus why I visit as much as I do.

I am at a freaking loss, I want to legit just not wake up so I do not have to deal with this shit anymore, but I understand that is not possible. I am sick of fighting. I know my wife feels neglected, but my hands are tied.

As the admin of the facility told me, I need them more than they need me. They told me this after I told them I could not make and asked if they could figure it out. She laid into me, and warned me next time I try to pass the buck to them she is gone. It took me FOREVER to find this place. We sent out her Medicaid assessment to over 100 facilities. The nearest one that would take her was nearly two hours away.

Sorry for my rant and stuff, if you have more exact questions please ask.