My brother will not abide by my rules when using my mom's debit card. I live out of town, but I'm the POA of her checking and savings account. He's not doing anything wrong but buying items for her, but I told him I need the receipts because as POA I have to keep good records. He said he's not sending me the receipts because it is a pain to keep track of. Keep in mind it's only two or three receipts a week. Pathetic I know. Well, I'm thinking of canceling her debit card since he won't scan me copies of the receipts. My question is if I make it impossible for him to use the debit card, can he take her down to her bank and get her to move all the money to another checking account and add his name as joint owner and then get her to order another debit card? The thing is I'm the POA and from what I've read they will allow it. He's nasty enough to do that.
You said yourself that he's not doing anything wrong and it's only two or three receipts a week and that it's for items he buys for her. In another response you said that while he's a jerk, you trust him to not steal from your mom. I understand you're just trying to be diligent about keeping accurate records but is this a can of worms you want to open over a few receipts? He does seemingly have a lame excuse for refusing to send you receipts but rather than doing something you might regret, just document each time he uses the debit card for your records.
My oldest brother has both medical and financial POA over our mom. We live in the same State and County but I live closer to her and do most of her day to day finances. He is on her account but I set up all the direct deposits and automatic payments and I deal with the creditors and landlord. He and I each have a debit card and a credit card. Generally neither of us questions the other and neither of us ever asks the other for receipts. We only talk to each other about unusual expenditures. However, I keep meticulous records of the cash I pull out of the account just in case any of our other siblings ask.
How much are these transactions? If they are only a hundred or so dollars and the debit transaction out of the Savings/Checking states POS -Walmart, or POS - Applebees you should be okay.
Red flags are raised when the transaction is over the States lookback threshold (NYS is currently $2,000). My uncles Eldercare lawyer said they don't look at anything that is $1,999 or less unless it is numerous transactions in a row of the same or similar dollar amount.
Joint owner means nothing because you mother is the primary owner and Medicaid recognizes that as the sole owner when analyzing the account. Therefore all the transactions are counted as your mothers regardless of the joint account holder. Any transactions from the account that your mother is primary owner will count as her asset in the eyes of Medicaid. This specifically applies to NY, but I imaging it is similar in other states.
Being in a contentious relationship with family regarding the healthcare and financial aspects of your mother is very difficult. I suggest if you have both POA duties you very intently look at either placing you mother in a proper care establishment. If you only have financial POA, I would suggest relinquishing your responsibility and giving your brother full access and hopefully your mother will be okay. Be there for your mother but know that this will most likely cause an irreparable rift with your brother regardless of how it shakes out.
I can not tell you how many times this forum tells people like you, I wouldn't be the caregiver without POA. So, if brother walks away, what are you, as the POA, gonna do to ensure mom has her needs met?
If mom is still competent your POA doesn't stop her from spending her money via your brother, tread carefully, you may find yourself without a boots on the ground caregiver for mom.
Maybe try a different approach from, "my rules". Cause personally if you made it hard for me to get mom stuff 2 or 3 times a week, I would say good luck, come do it your own self.
Have you thought about sending him a stamped envelope monthly that he can just put the receipts in and drop in the mail, then you can scan them in and stop trying to control the one doing the actual caregiving?
Yes, she can remove you from her finances and she can absolutely open new accounts with him as joint owner.
Can you order the items on Amazon and have them shipped to her? I buy a lot of dry goods this way.
Your bro is already being a jerk... and suspicious. Don't trust him with anything this important. He's not giving you receipts right now for a reason.
I don't know if your brother is caregiver to mom but clearly he isn't able to or chooses not to do things that must be done.
I would first see an elder law attorney with these questions. I think you brother should be having NOTHING to do with purchasing for your mom and he may be unable now to be in charge of her care. To do POA with a demented mom and an uncooperative brother in charge of her, from out of state? Read that as I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E.
Moreover, no matter what brother is telling you, and given his anger issues, you have no guarantee WHAT is happening here. None at all. Mother likely needs placement now.