OK, I am the senior in question. I am in an add on room (living/bedroom/powder room) at my daughter and son in law's house. I have no idea if it stress or aging related. Today I left the frying pan on after using it. I put my egg on a toasted muffin. My son in law came in the room and added his pop tart right as I took my muffin out. When done he left he the room. I focused on putting the toaster away immediately. My daughter constantly complains if something is left out on the counter. I said I leave the toaster out until it cools and she said she doesn't care if I put it away hot. Other times, she said she doesn't care if I let it out to cool. I know a lot of her unhappiness and anger are because her husband leaves food, dishes, etc. out constantly. In fact, he doesn't much put anything, including tools, away. Then she has issues with her son. Anyway, how do I know if I forgot due to aging versus stress. I left a burner on about 2 months ago and a faucet running once. I have been here just about a year and the constant criticisms are draining. Any suggestions? Thank you.
A month ago I forgot I had hot water running into the bathroom drain to melt any toothpaste before it becomes concrete and plugs the drain. Yep, I got distracted by something else. It must have been on for over a half-hour. Oh, silly me :)
To some people my sig other might seem like he is very forgetfully, but he's been that way most of his life according to his grown children.... just an absent minded professor type of guy. There are times I want to print out a large note on the door to the garage.... don't forget your glasses.... don't forget your wallet.... yes, you need to wear a jacket.... make sure your zipper is up... etc.
See if you can find any humor in what is going on in the household. When your daughter complains about her hubby not putting away things, give her suggestions. Maybe he inherited that trait from his own Dad, or maybe his own Mom had spoiled him by following him around the house picking up after him.
If I need to remember to take something along with me, it put it by my shoes. This works well.
Guess who did it last week? :-)
I'm going to say stress is the primary cause, especially because you didn't do things in the normal order (dealing with the toaster instead of finishing what you were cooking). However, if you're truly concerned, do as the others say and write lists, get checked out by the doctor, and don't put more stress on your plate.
If it makes you feel any better, 2 years ago I parked my van at the office and came out 8 hours later to find it still running. I did it twice and it freaked me out. I was 60 years old with no other memory issues except sometimes my life is frantic and I have a lot on my mind. It hasn't happened since, or anything nearly as weird.
As a daughter who lives next door to my 91-yr old mom, managing her care and having very different personalities, I think you have every right to have a calm and diplomatic but truthful discussion with her about how she engages with you and how it impacts you. Even if she owns up to it, if her behavior doesn't change going forward I think you should consider IL in a community of peers where you don't have to walk on eggshells and be a "friendly fire" casualty in your daughter's marriage and family life. She will appreciate you much more. Also, what is your plan for when you really need a lot of care? You cannot just assume your daughter will slide into the caregiver role. This is another good reason to move out sooner...so that you get to call all the shots and pick where you go. Ofter seniors wait too long until there's a crisis and others must make those decisions for them. I wish you much success in working things out with your daughter and peace in your heart if there's a need to move out and move on.
Honestly, all of us do things and wonder later if we in fact turned off the iron, or the water or left the hose running. I have a 37 yo daughter who is so 'frantic' in her life, she will pack up her kids and run out the door of my house and I go around and pick up a basket worth of stuff she's left behind. Every. Single. Time.
So--age isn't totally the issue here!
So you are wondering if your memory is slipping? How about making a little list that you keep in your place that lists all the things you feel you may forget? Like,
put away toaster. Turn off water. Wipe down counters. Sweep floor. A list for when you leave the house. Purse, keys, jacket, etc. There is NOTHING wrong with making lists. I can't function w/o a list for each day, helping me remember. Otherwise, I'd just be driving/wandering around everyday, wondering what it was I left the house for.
You aren't going to change your SIL, so maybe help out your daughter a little. You sound a little frustrated and that's normal. I'm sorry for you being criticized. I get that too, from my kids and DH, both. (I had cancer and chemo last year and the chemo brain has left me with a lot of deficits in my memory.) DH teases me relentlessly when I cannot remember a name of something. It's bad enough I don't remember things, but to be criticized or teased just makes it worse.
Any chance you can TALK to your daughter and express what you've said here. Tell her you feel really minimized when she criticizes you. She probably is mad at her DH but you're RIGHT THERE and quicker and easier to get to. This is totally displaced 'anger' and she'd probably feel bad if she knew you were hurt.
You sound lovely and kind. I wish you all the best as you navigate these waters!