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I took care of my dear mother until she died in 2022. I am married, my husband has PTSD. In 2023 I fell four times. I use rollator. I am afraid to death to walk in an open space without the rollator or walking sticks. I’ve been to therapy, but still afraid. Is there a way that I can stop being fearful? I wish not to use rollator or walking sticks anymore. I hate myself for being a coward. I am 74 yrs old. Any advice? Thanks.

You might ask to have some therapy that specifically teaches you ways to fall without getting seriously hurt and also ways to get up from falls. I didn't have therapy to learn how to do this, but I read some useful illustrated articles and have used these tips. (I am 80.) A big part of fear of falling is fear of being hurt, I believe. If you have confidence that you can probably keep from being hurt from a fall, you may be less fearful.
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Reply to Igloocar
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After I had a bad fall, I experienced extreme anxiety whenever I walked near a steep drop+off or even at times along my upstairs hallway past the stairs. Sometimes I would have spontaneous visions of falling while lying in bed, very upsetting. I'm over it now, but I wish I had asked my doctor about psychotherapy. Since your husband is being treated for PTSD, maybe you can ask his therapist for guidance?
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Reply to HollyIvytwo
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Hambir, the title of your post caught my attention immediately. Please read my story as follows: I’m also 74 and fell for the first in my elder years last month. It was a doozy (*I will explain in a bit)

About 2 weeks prior to fall, I was diagnosed as having sciatica caused by Piriformis syndrome ( Piriformis muscle compresses the sciatic nerve and results in inflammation) I have pain from left buttock all the way down to ankle. My left leg also felt weak so doctor recommended using cane which I did until ….. 10 days, later was walking thru parking lot to Post office, when I stepped up on the curb with left leg and my leg gave out. I fell backwards hitting the back of my head on pavement and yes, I Forgot My Cane! I was taken by ambulance to trauma center. I never lost consciousness, no fractures, just a few abrasions, including one on my head. So like you, I’m afraid of falling again. I’m keeping my cane close at hand from now on and added reminders on my phone.
Stay safe!
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Reply to peace416
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Sorry you fell 4 times. Any idea why?

Even though you're done with therapy, you can and should keep working on your strength. To get stronger, you need to slowly but surely do more and more to improve your strength. Being stronger and more stable should give you an opportunity to get back to walking on your own again, if it is possible. I agree with someone else's suggestion to join a gym. Planet Fitness is cheap and open great hours and most if not all have classes to show you how to use the equipment and help you put together a training program.

Good luck! While you work on getting stronger, there is NOTHING wrong with using a walker or cane. Do what you need to do to feel confident.
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Reply to againx100
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Hambir, for many years I had agoraphobia, the fear of being in open spaces. I found if I was by myself, once I got inside my car or inside where ever I needed to be, the fear went away. Yet, I was a Realtor for decades, and being outside didn't bother me when I was with client. That in itself told me that if I was distracted, the fear wouldn't bother me.


I am trying to think how you can walk outside and be distracted, but not so distracted that you can still pay attention to what is around you. Can hubby go for a walk with you, if he walks the same speed as you do? Can you listen to music as a distraction? Is there a shopping center/mall nearby where you can walk? Window shopping is a good distraction.
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Reply to freqflyer
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If you fall without walking aids you need to use them.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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There is a show on Netflix, Bridgton, there is a lady with a cane.

She looks so dignified, and strong .

Almost makes me want a cane.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Something that helps my confidence when snow skiing is wearing a helmet. There's a company named Ribcap that makes stylish every day fall protection hats. They are pricey. But, one of their hats may help with your confidence.
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AlvaDeer Sep 28, 2024
Oh, j, I love this, but it is our HIPS that bust. I swear to you as an RN and as one afraid of falls, it's our hips that scare us, and no good helmets for them. Plus which, our OP hates just being SEEN as without courage. The helmet will just add to that. I am not saying it isn't a good idea! It IS! I am saying that I think our Hambir and me are similar. We don't want to be seen as "weakening". You know................the wolves are waiting!

I could be wrong, but I think you won't see me or Ham in a helmet soon. Tho you may see us down on the ground wishing we had heeded your advice.
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Hambir, you just keep that rollator and those sticks and you ROCK them! Make yourself the best gal out there on them. This isn't cowardice, hon. This is COURAGE. I remember looking at elders on the buses having such a hard time getting on and off, feeling so sorry for them. Now I am the one THEY feel sorry for! That's life. And boy, does it ever happen fast. Here we are feeling so young in our mind, getting shocked daily by that mirror. It's OK. This is life. Stay safe and upright. Any way you can.
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lealonnie1 Sep 28, 2024
I bought a couple of packages of stick on rolls of jeweled BLING to put on my cane. It's blindingly beautifully bright 🤣😂😆 and very fun now!
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You say "I have been to therapy". I would have recommended physical therapy. Is that where you went? Did they tell you, in physical therapy assessment, that you do not require a walker or sticks? Have you had balance assessments?

I am assuming when you say "I have been to therapy" you do not mean mental therapy of a psychologist? It might be worth considering if ALL OTHER reasons for your dependence are FULLY explored.

As we age we lose balance from those portions of our brain that control balance. I always say that at 82 I weigh (at about 145) more than ever I have in my life; yet on the buses now, if I don't hang on, I float about like a feather in the winds. And yeah, it's SCARY because we full well know IF we go down it can be broken hips, can be lifechanging.

Many who start to use a walker or sticks for a while become "dependent " on them. You aren't alone and you aren't unusual. And as someone myself aging I can assure you "terror-R-us".

I would ask for another physical therapy consult, concentrate on balance exercises and do them religiously; they DO help. Be easy on yourself. And meanwhile learn to love that rollator and those sticks as you try to work your way out of them.

Good luck.
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Hambir Sep 28, 2024
Thank you for your advice. I appreciate them a lot.
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If you fell 4x in 2023 not using a walker, and you haven't fallen at all in 2024 using one, why are you wanting to stop using such aids???? That's what they're for: to help us not fall. I myself use a cane and would prefer not to, at 67 years old. However, I have a condition that makes me very dizzy and prone to falling. The cane gives me better balance. Should I hate myself for using it, call myself ugly names, or accept the fact I need a bit of extra help to feel secure?

Please stop calling yourself a coward and instead realize you're wise to take precautions to avoid getting a broken hip or neck at 74 yrs old. Its ok to admit we need help.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Hambir Sep 28, 2024
Thank you for your advice. I will have them in mind.
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Hambir, welcome to the forum. Could you tell us how you fell the last couple of times. Did you trip over something? Did your shoes catch on the carpet or floor? Did you have shoes on or were you in socks or barefoot? Did you lose balance that caused the fall? Did you have a sudden pain in your leg that caused you to collapse? Were you inside your home or outside when these falls happened.


Once we know more information, it will help us gauge our suggestions :)
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Reply to freqflyer
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When you say you have been to therapy are you talking PT or mental health therapy?
There are programs offered by hospitals, some senior centers that focus on strength and balance and how to avoid falls.
Now do understand one thing...falls happen no way you are going to prevent every fall but hopefully you can improve balance and strength so that you will be less hurt by a fall.
You could also try sessions in Yoga that is supposed to help with balance and strength (more core strength that helps the body rather than physical strength)

All that said if you have a genuine fear of falling until you feel more comfortable continue to use the rollator. Fancy it up, there are decals, there is painted ones I have seen. But please also have an evaluation by PT to make sure that you are using it properly, it is adjusted to your height. I see so many people walking hunched over looking at the floor. I think the best walkers I have seen are the "upright" ones that actually allow you to walk in an upright position, looking forward.
There is noting to be ashamed about using a walker. I bet you feel better using a walker than using a wheelchair!
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Well since you fell 4 times last year I would imagine that you might be afraid that you will fall again, and who can blame you?
I think you're putting undue pressure on yourself for wanting to be careful so you won't fall. To me that's called being smart and not a coward.
If you feel safer using your rollator and walking stick when out and about then so be it.
Quit beating yourself up over something that may very well be keeping you safer than you'll ever know.
I mean would you rather use your walking stick and rollator and be safe, or risk falling and breaking multiple bones and need surgery and risk not ever being the same again?
Just some food for thought.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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My mom was like you at her age, people would tell me how frail she was but they saw her ,out of the house. What they didn't see was her bouncing around inside. Her fear was only outside. I felt like she missed a lot in because of her fears.

I'm wondering if your doctor could find a reason to approve some physical therapy, for balance, and then after join a gym. I think it would help you with strength, and then confidence.

Nothing at all wrong with a cane , I think that is a good idea to have with you most of the time, and give you some confidence, as long as it's not used as a crutch.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Anxietynacy Sep 28, 2024
Sorry if that came out wrong, if you need a walker, please, please use it. And never worry about what others think. My mom just had a very unrational fear of falling it really hurt the things she could do in her 70s.

You may very well need it.
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Why Did you fall four times in a year?
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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Hambir Sep 28, 2024
Dear Peggy I fall , the first time in a rest area restroom, then I hit myself with my husband’s truck mirror and fell and twice crossing the street. I went to physical therapy and to a psychologist. Nothing has help to let my fear to walk in open spaces without a Rollators or / and sticks. Please pray for me. Thank you
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