I’m 1000 miles away. No way I am moving back home. My Dad will not come live with me and I have plenty of space & work from home. I was in vehicle accident almost 3 years ago and injuries kept me from going home 7 or so times a year and cleaning his house. I visited for his birthday two weeks ago. What started as a leak in the basement, which he said he had fixed has now grown into full blown mold growing up into the only bathroom and into the kitchen sink. He can’t shower, cook food, or wash his clothes in basement. I couldn’t stay in the house longer than 15 minutes from sneezing and itching. My teenage son stayed in the house an hour and smelled of mold for 6 hours of an 12 hour drive home. He is driving around in a car of which a neighbor duck taped the fuel tank up because he won’t get it fixed or buy a new car. Some other piece of metal hanging from under the car as well. The AC in the house and car no longer works and it’s getting to 90 degree days which grows the mold more. I talk to him on the phone every other day if not everyday and he seems of his age but dementia? Does making a decision to live in mold mean dementia? He can more than afford to move and buy a brand new car. There is also mold covering the back door, seat and floor of his car. I asked him to move he said give him two weeks. It’s been 2 weeks. I told him I love him and it’s wrong for me to allow him to live in an unhealthy environment and drive an unsafe vehicle. He said he is sorry but give him time. I busted out crying today. I do not understand why he seems okay on the phone but will not take care of himself. I’m a Realtor. At this point the mold hazmat crew would have to come in to gut the Entire house for repairs. I contacted an attorney they said to call the city to have house deemed uninhabitable “if he will let them in to see it” I already have a few pictures. My Daddy was a good hard working man all his life, worked everyday at automobile factory for 38 years. I want my Daddy to live out his life with the dignity he deserves. Why doesn’t he want the same for himself? I told him this is hurting me and his grandchildren. He is not doing his hygiene either. It’s embarrassing plus we can’t visit him at his house. We do but we are exposing ourselves to the mold. I have to rent hotel and if I’m at his house the girls have to go to cousins place to use the restroom. He has more money than me in the bank. He has no bills but basics doesn’t have any debt at all. I live very well but I have bills and still one child to go to college next year. I called the city. I got advice from attorney. I just wish I didn’t have to do it this way. I begged him to let’s do this transition in a positive, organized way. He says 2 more weeks. I know he will not. I have been asking him for 5 years to fix the house or get senior apartment. It’s exhausting. My Aunts and Uncles live there I asked them to help they only call him for money, favors or invites for major holiday dinners. He has no Will he said. I also am concerned of protecting my siblings & I Inheritance from his siblings And the state. He is a Air Force Veteran as well. My half siblings lived all their lives in Canada. Not close with my Dad but he always said we are to split everything 3 ways except for the house I grew up in is mine but at this point it’s worthless. Not that any of that is important more than my Daddy. I was raised in an abusive environment as a child by his hand and his Sisters but as an adult I have forgiven him & them long ago and understand how ones life can make them not make the best choices. Sometimes the way he talks to me causes like triggers or anxiety or something weird. Still I know right from wrong and it’s wrong to not try and help him help himself. I’m so worried on so many different fronts. I don’t want anything to happen to him. He is like my best friend late in life after I forgave him. I do not want to lose him to death or by his being mad at me for calling the city.
"Can a House Be Condemned for Mold? ... Besides the musty smell and the damage it can do to the walls of the house, mold is one of the most dangerous infestations to have. Because of the health problems mold poses to everyone living in the area, a house can be condemned and for good reason."
I suggest you call APS. They should help. If not the Health Department. He needs to get out of that house.
Once again you've passed along some solid wisdom to the OP. Glad to see your name pop up. I hope you are well. As of yesterday, I'd stopped driving for 5 mos. My neuro told me to hang up handling any financial affairs.
I am a happy guy, but I know I'm declining. Considering I started noticing problems 9 1/2 yrs ago and diagnosed 4 yrs ago, I guess I've done well. Prayers of thanks for your friendship.
Regards,
John
That’s a different issue, one for you to work on irrespective of whether you have any control in the problem. You ‘ought’ to show respect for your father and his wishes, but you certainly don’t have any obligation to ‘do what he says’, no matter what it is. What if he told you to ignore the whole ‘best practice’ recommendations about Covid? What if he told you to do something illegal, eg murder? If you feel strongly that you are controlled by what your father says, you need to get help for yourself, as an independent adult. You may not mean what you said, but think about why you said it. Yours, Margaret
But be prepared, because whether or not they're able to intervene will depend on your father's wishes and on his mental state. If he is in fact mentally well - not apparently affected by dementia, for example - they can't do anything contrary to his wishes.
Neglect of self and surroundings is not diagnostic of dementia, no, although it can be part of the pattern.