My mom is in home hospice and I have moved from out of state to care for my parents. I am sellling my home and storing my belongings in their barn. My parents are 89 and 90 and my sister chooses to not communicate with them or me at all. When my sibling was communicating she was instrumental in getting my parents to sign everything over to both of us as co trustees on their estate with the exception of a small checking account that is used for my dads "running" money and household expenses. I am concerned 1) that since we are co trustees and something happens to my folks, we will not be able to work together for their benefit since she has chosen to behave this way. 2) that she will try to have me removed from the property which now has become my only home, (I have been here for over a year now) 3) that she will try to include my belongings in with the estate items. 4) that if my dad becomes unable to care for himself she will not consider his wishes on how he wants things handled and try to take me to court. Please advise.
Been there. Expect the worst. If possible, it would be better for everything to be in your control. If you can do that, your sister will probably still try to make trouble but the courts are used to this - she will probably just hold things up. The fact that your mom is in hospice might complicate things. Changing wills close to death is suspicious to the courts. I would definitely talk to a lawyer.
Are your parents aware of the potential problems? And do they know that what they do with their lawyer is private? The non-communicative sibling does not need to know.
If you are intending to be there until your father passes and the house is to be sold upon his death, a stipulation could be put in the will saying that in the event that you are their live-in caregiver at the time of his passing you can stay at the house rent free for a specified amount if time before the house can be sold. That way you have time to grieve and then make plans for new living arrangements.
I have a sibling who be difficult - (long story) and when mom came to live with me; we went to an elder care attorney. Mom's wishes will be granted, but I am the executer, trustee and POA. Sometimes it's better to have one - depending on the family situation.
Talk to your parents, express your concerns, what do they want?
You have made sacrifices and made yourself vulnerable in order to be there for them in their time of need. Share your concerns with them regarding your vulnerability and her lack of communication and commitment to the family. If this is a revocable trust they should be able to change things so you are the sole trustee and they can make you the sole executor of the will.
Understand that when your sister finds out, there will be h*ll to pay. You must make sure that your conduct and execution of your duties are beyond reproach. You must execute exactly as your parents stipulate - no rationalizing that it is okay to make exceptions because you sacrificed and took care of them and she didn't. It is a thankless task and you must have Honor and integrity to do it well.
I'd check with an attorney. An hour spent with one specializing in this would calm your troubled soul. You have enough on your plate w/o wondering what rogue sister "may" do.
See All Answers