Since my grandparents passed, my mother has lived with me. My mother is fully disabled with MS. However (and I am not the only family member who thinks this) there is likely some Munchhausen syndrome going on. Pile this on top of her narcissism, and I am heavily lost in the F.O.G.... I am engaged to marry next spring, and our first child is due in November. My mother has weighed heavily on mine and Fiances relationship. There is constant stress that I am not willing to deal with anymore. I have spoken with my mother as well as her lawyer (her financial conservator) and expressed that the time has come for her to find her own way. I cannot deal with the tension anymore and I want to start my family without the negativity. She is and always has been a VERY toxic and manipulative person. She refuses to do ANYTHING to help herself. She doesnt pay me rent. She constantly asks me to do things for her that she is capable of doing herself. She hoards in her bedroom which is gross and Ive spoken with her about multiple times. Doesn't bathe. She smokes like a chimney. ect ect....
So back to the point... I have spoken with her and the lawyer... We have discussed low income housing, purchase of mobile homes, etc etc. I have done a bunch of leg work myself to find homes for sale, view said homes, find apartment applications and so on. Now an important fact is that my mother received a large windfall from my grandparents. Roughly 180k which is now in a trust and managed by the lawyer. Right now it seems the lawyer is deadin the water regarding getting my mother somewhere on her own. I dont want to put my mom out on the streets. (fog?) BUT I fear my due date will roll around and my mother will still be in my home. This is NOT an option. Im at my wits end and am not sure what my next course of action should be? Formal eviction? Agency of aging evaluation?
HELP!!!!!
If she goes to the appointment, doubt that there will be a need for an eviction.
For a neighbor who was wanted out of a place renting a room, I went with her, when mgr. showed her the apt., she asked how soon would she want to move in?
Hemming, hawing, will have to ask her son, don't know.
Many hand signals (me behind her) had her moving in on
the first. Saved her dignity, she had no idea what was in store if she did not agree to move. Bold moves, baby steps.
It's seems most people- well maybe not most but it looks that way to me - are first and foremost concerned about what's best for them. That's not necessarily a bad thing - except when it comes at great expense to someone else.
So many agendas seem to center on "what makes me most comfortable", "how can I continue to live as I please", "what's the best/easiest way to save me/get me more money?"
Left as collateral damage is the family member- the caregiver who is trying to do what's best - the right thing for the person, who a lot of the time, is at the root of causing the problem - throwing the very person whom is their best chance for survival - under the bus.
Honestly, I just don't get it. And I think that's probably a good thing.
Finally, my folks called a family meeting and announced they were move out at the end of the month. Family (uncle in particular) had better figure it out fast. Then, they promptly took a 2 week vacation to Vegas. They had been grandmas full time, live-in, free caregivers for over 15 years when they pulled the plug.
It worked. Suddenly POA had to step and and move grandma to a facility asap.
There is a thread on this board about a woman in a similar situation. I need to look for the thread. You might learn from what she did.
Your mindset will become a lot less complicated if you can say:
"How do I help my mom move".
The F.O.G. is reaching out from past history, expectations of your Mom and you way before you were born.
Yes, sell the house.
Provide for your Mom as best as you can, and move on with your life. It is a caregivers responsibility to see that she is cared for, NOT necessarily doing the hands-on caregiving yourself.
Best of everything in your new life.
It may be kind of hard to explain in a sentence or two to a receptionist, but what you are asking for is pretty straightforward:
1) My mother has been living in my house with me. I want her out. What steps can I take to achieve that?
2) My mother is fully disabled with MS.
I have tried to help my mother consider other options. She will not cooperate. I am done trying to help her.
What agencies, if any, do I need to report this to?
Answer #1 is probably going to be "eviction." It is question #2 that makes me think an Elder Law attorney might be needed for your situation.
Good luck! Let us know how this unfolds.
I realize this is neither here nor there as it relates to your immediate problem but I guess I'm trying to get a fix on what she can do for herself as it relates to possible new housing for her. Is your mother ambulatory? Is she able to cook - what level of disability is she dealing with - can she adequantly preform the necessary activities of her daily living?
Secondhand smoke is a health hazard, so she really needs to be out of your place by the time your baby is born. She is already jeopardizing your health.
Your mother is taking advantage of you (which I am sure you realize).
Are there any other siblings?