My husband is in a nursing home due to the fact that he cannot walk, he wears diapers and I physically cannot lift him. He has been checked for dementia and is very sharp mentally. He blames me and our daughter, however it is choices he made in the past. He has his time during the day and typically it starts around 3 o’clock that he becomes very accusing and also constantly talks that he walks but he won’t let anybody see him. He knows if he walks he can come home but he can even get out of the bed without a lift however he continues this behavior and I do not know how to respond. Any suggestions would be helpful. He will not read or watch TV ….he just lays in the bed and fantasizes things that are not accurate.
Don't visit after 3, that would help everything. He is safe and with trained people, so there is no reason for you to subject yourself to his antics.
Hopefully, you are not blaming him for where he's at now in his life; all humans have made less than stellar choices in life and don't wind up unable to walk or in Skilled Nursing Facilities as a result! Deal with him as he is NOW, w/o mentioning why he's where he's at. That serves no useful purpose; it's like reminding a smoker they have lung cancer b/c they smoked. They still have to deal with the cancer at hand, plus they're being reminded of WHY they have it, to add insult to injury. You don't like being accused of things, so don't accuse him of being where he's at due to 'choices he's made in the past.'
Best of luck finding out what the real diagnosis is for your DH and then dealing with him appropriately.
Sounds like Sundowner's Syndrome to me. Usually the later afternoon into evening the brain gets fatigued & can get stuck in thought loops.
Also a 'must go home' feeling descends.
Which is quite natural when you think about it. Reminds me when the birds start chirping & gathering towards their nests.
It's certainly possible he gets down at that time due to brain chemicals/changes. But if this is distressing him, agree a consult with a Doc for meds may be good (Geriatrician/NeuroPscych)
I would avoid visits after the magic hour, 3 pm, myself. Seems that your seeing him when he is not "fresh" isn't working well.
I don't know what your husband was like in the past; can you tell me when, how, and for what reasons you think he changed?