Mom recently had unexpected brain surgery to relieve pressure from a bleed. She is now in rehab. While the therapists say she's doing well, when I come and visit she is mean and says hurtful things to me. She calls me at least 5 times a day saying she wants to go home and blames me for things that aren't true. When I call the facility, they have nothing but wonderful things to say about her. One Dr. Said it's just "repressed emotions that she's expressing to me". She is not of her right mind and rationalization is not working. I understand that, but I need coping skills on how to talk to her.
I know how difficult all of this is; I have a 95 y/o mother with advanced dementia to deal with and my attitude is not always stellar. When she was in the stage where she was calling and being nasty on the phone, I'd let a lot of the calls go to voice mail b/c I knew she was in good hands at the Memory Care where she lives. It's hard for US, too, so be kind to yourself while going through this with your mom.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate
It sounds like your mom has a brain injury--which can cause loss of filtering, mood instability, agitation and the like.
It may be that she perceives you as a "safe" person to insult. I know that doesn't help how she makes YOU feel, but it seems that most folks with cognitive issues are meanest to the ones their closest to.
Your mom is safe and cared for in the rehab. To protect yourself, limit your visits and take one phone call a day.
When she starts getting nasty, say "I need to go now; I'll come back when you're feeling better". This should be said without rancor or bitterness; her behavior doesn't seem to be under her control right now.
If this doesn't improve with time/healing, consult with a geriatric psychiatrist. Meds may help.