My 81 yr old father is not adjusting to the nursing home we just placed him in. I'm his daughter and just gained guardianship for him. He has end stage kidney disease, diabetes, a severe ulserated leg with his bone exposed (13 inches to date), vein disease, early stage dementia and high blood pressure and he can't walk. He is screaming to go home. He is demanding his cell phone ( his room has no phone). If we give him his cell, he will call 911 or a friend to get him out ( he's done it before). His previous lifestyle involved a 52 yr old woman that had been a so-so care giver and we learned she was stealing money from him. They apparently were in a relationship many yrs ago and last yr he bought her a house and all contents (paid cash). She has 2 teenagers and a drug addict boyfriend who is going to be deported. He has been funding her and her drama for years. We have been estranged from our father ( she played a big part). My father reached out to me 5 months ago thinking he was near death and wanted me to come to him. I flew down and saw what was going on. I hired a lawyer and now as stated earlier..im his guardian. I feel so bad for him...but I feel he's getting the best care now. Am I doing the right thing???
1. Have his house doctor issue a standing order that he is not to be allowed to use a phone at any time.
2. Have the order posted to the wall outside of his room..
Reasons: Nurse/ide turnover and frequent substitutes. I learned in 12 years of visiting wife in nursing home that word of mouth instructions only work to a point.
Someone WILL forget or not be told.
Nail it down.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
xo
-SS
My mother is in a nearby assisted living. I stay very busy.
I also am their guardian.
These decisions are very hard but their mental capacity will only keep diminishing, so you have done the right thing. Its just hard for them to give up control. I tell mine whatever they want to hear even if it is little white lies.
You have to do what you have to. Good luck & praying for you.
I also made sure the staff knew not to let him use any other phone. ❤️ 🙏
No guilt. Good luck with this and take care of yourself first.
You could try fibbing to him a little, when you get better you'll go home etc. Also, maybe just step back. Waaaaay back. Manage his care but you don't have to visit. He's not going to be happy no matter what you do.
So many people lead ruinous lives then near the end expect the kids to step in and save the day.
You may want to gave him evaluated for hospice. End stage kidney failure, exposed bone?!