She lives alone, has had two bad falls and now a chronic heart problem. She’s not taking her meds properly and her doctor will not get on the phone with us to discuss her health or screen her for diminished capacity. She has been in the hospital each of the last three months. He has said she is not safe in her own house, but won’t engage with us so we can get her the help she needs. The VNA has said it is obvious she is diminished and spoke to the doctor’s office about her mental state and her living conditions. We have sent him two faxed letters (followed with hard copies) asking for him to engage and no response. When we called the receptionist asking for her to leave a message asking doctor to call us, she hung up on me. I just can’t believe this is happening. My mother is at risk, not bathing, living in horrible conditions and doesn’t remember things from 5 min ago and has now lost her lifeline help necklace that would help her if she were to have another fall. What options do we have to have her HCP invoked? We are shocked as a family that the doctor is not deeming her incapacitated or helping us, She tells us he’s told her she’s fine. She is not fine. Still driving, ran into a parked car with someone in it (third accident), she calls us at all hours of the night-doesn’t remember the next day. Doesn’t remember speaking to us one hour ago. Loses everything. Meds are a mess. We are losing our mother before our eyes and feel totally helpless. I am so incredibly shocked her doctor won’t help us. What do we do?
File a complaint with the medical board against the current doctor once you get Mom sorted out. I'm going to guess that this has been her doctor for a hundred years, Mom loves him/her, and the doctor himself should have retired years ago. This sounds exactly like my mother's doctor who darned near killed her by prescribing antidepressants when in reality her lungs were filling up with fluid and drowning her.
Doctors can be replaced. There is no reason why your mom cannot be seen by someone else.
If it doesn't specifically state that, take a copy to her doctor and ask for her medical records. There will probably be a fee.
Here's the thing, a doctor doesn't have the legal right to declare her incompetent, only a judge can do that. That could be why he is not helping.
I recommend going to your state attorney general website and read what your state allows. The statutes are usually really easy to read and understand.
If she is a danger to herself, you may have to go for guardianship or report her to APS as a vulnerable senior in danger. There are other ways to get her the help she needs.
Best of luck!
Unfortunately, because of past abuses by ill intentioned individuals, autonomy is protected to the detriment of many seniors. Leaving the family to wait for the emergency that takes away choices.
Next time she is hospitalized, start telling all of her care providers that sending her home is an unsafe discharge and you all need help. Repeat often, to everyone until you get help.
I can't imagine what the doctor is thinking. It seems that he is actively obstructing appropriate intervention in his patient's best interests. No doubt there is some explanation but it's hard to guess what it could possibly be.
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