Long story short mother was placed in a SNF and transitioned to Long term care after her bout with a severe UTI & Dementia and since admission has pretty much just been there if that makes sense. We were visiting more during her placement but the last few times we visited she gets agitated after about the first 15-20 minutes and asks to be taken back to her room so we oblige since we do not have deal with her once we leave, the staff does. I have started a new FT job which takes me out of the area weekly and on weekends we still have kid obligations, so it's been about a month since we have been there. Lately we are feeling super guilty about not being able to visit, but honestly she doesn't remember what happened 10 minutes ago let alone any visits. Just not sure how to deal with the guilt........TIA
When my mother with advanced dementia got agitated during our visits with her in Memory Care AL, or decided she had something 'urgent' she needed to do, my DH and I would just leave. Kiss her goodbye and tell her we loved her and would come back again at another time. Short visits are best when dementia is involved, that's what I've found. Bring a snack along or a small gift, and leave the moment things get stressful.
Best of luck.
Behaviors DO change during the course of dementia, and if she doesn’t feel better with longer visits, you have no obligation (AT ALL) to hang around.
Super short visits indicate your love and care, and keep life comfortable for both of you.
I’ve been doing exactly this since December 2021.
Continue as you do and when she becomes agitated the visit is over. Who knows what is getting through to her brain.
I feel for you because you have a full plate of life with your own family. It’s not easy to make the time but if you can figure out a way to get out there at least 2x a month, I think it would be good just to make sure she is taken care of.
I find mid-morning visits are the best time. She’s never agitated at that time. I visit her in her room and I always bring her food. It’s one of the few pleasures she enjoys these days. Also I have found that late afternoon visits are not good because that is the time she starts to get agitated.
I hope this helps you.
P.S. Time is irrelevant to a dementia patient.
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