My dad is retired military and still wants to be in control. He can't drive anymore. I go to his house every day after work. I make his dinner and make a store run for whatever he needs. I have used all my vacation days for his appointments. It's a long commute for me to get to his house then back to mine. He has COPD, on oxygen all the time, and needs a walker to get around. He's hard of hearing and is becoming forgetful. He refuses to admit he needs any help. If I didn't go over every day and drive him to his appointments he would die. He says I'm being "overbearing." I know his health is failing and things will get much worse in the future. How to deal?
I remember using up all my vacation days, sick days, and days without pay to do things for my parents because I didn't set any boundaries with them. Did this for 7 years, and yes I crashed and burned from the stress. I just didn't know that I could say "no", and nothing terrible would happen to them.
So you either have to learn to say to Dad "sorry, I just can't possibly do that" and/or learn that he isn't going to die if you don't go over there.
Curious, does your Dad make his own breakfast and lunch? If yes, why not call Meals On Wheels and then Dad can have a dinner he can heat up.
Overbearing means you are getting underfoot. Go less often or stay a shorter time, like an hour. My Dad was USAF. What a handful.