Day-in and day-out I feel like I'm banging my heaped against the wall, whether it's the daily 'responsibilities' of caregiving or trying to brighten the days, especially during the holidays. Year after year I try to be positive. I want to be happy myself. However, I get such negativity from my mother and siblings (who don't help at all). How do you work on yourself to be happy and enjoy life? I get so depressed sometimes, especially when I can't live my life fully (and there has been so much mental 'damage' done). How do you do it?
But I know I did it for me. The red and white tinsel and candy canes were for me. And I am seriously looking at some deer and a jolly fat guy for me. We may end up with the most decorated house this year.
It is tough when we don't receive an show of appreciation or respect. I know some people are not capable of showing it. I think we do what we do because we think it will make things better. It is discouraging when it doesn't seem to have that effect. Maybe we can only make it better for ourselves when we're dealing with a narcissistic person.
After years in the field, I heard seasoned attorneys ask the same question. As I aged and finally gained some wisdom, I realized that one should be working for the satisfaction it gives that person, not whether it provides satisfaction for someone else.
Trying to please someone else puts you in a position of dependence on someone else's feelings.
I would offer the same suggestion to you: does caregiving satisfy you? Or do you need to know that your family is satisfied, pleased and/or gratified by your assistance?
If the former, accept that you get pleasure from it even though someone else doesn't appreciate you. If the latter, then move on to a phase in your life in which you yourself find appreciation for your efforts.
I love Babalou's idea. Take a break and see what happens. Make your own life happier in the meantime. And come back here and tell us how you're doing!
I would take a break from caregiving responsibilities for this month. If your mother is only old and not ill, she can hire the care she needs, or call on your siblings. Make yourself unavailable for one month. Say it's doctor's orders.
In that month, make sure you get a complete physical, mammogram, gynecology and mental health checkup. Figure out a way to get 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise 3 X a week.
People are only grateful for what is freely given if they know they need it. Either your mother doesn't really need the help you're giving, or she does. If she does, negotiate a caregiving contract with her that stars Jan 1.