My 89 year old dad’s OCD has worsened. He has pancreatic cancer and I feel guilty whenever I get mad at him but he causes a lot of my emotional distress. Sometimes I don’t tell him everything because he starts catastrophising. As an only child (my mom died and relatives are far away, but dad doesn’t trust the family as they are after his money) I’m the one who has to deal with it, so I feel that every day is about strategy and survival from his paranoia, I'm exhausted!
We have a station here that has shows from the 50s, 60s and 70s. Thats what I would put on for Mom. The only thing, they showed "Emergency". So when there was a fire or an explosion Mom thought it was in our house. Telling her it was the TV did settle her down but not sure how much longer that would have lasted. She went into an AL and pretty much stayed in the common area. So no TV.
There is no way to get him to realize it was tv and did not really happen. For the past 2 days, he has insisted that he watched a man die in our driveway.He even has tried to get his caregiver to convince me it happened. My only advice is to try to keep him from seeing, hearing or reading anything that isn't comedy or old movies. If my DH gets really out of his head, our dr. prescribed Lorazepam 0.5 mg. every 8 hrs
That does help mellow him out.
It is sometimes very uncomfortable for some of us to feel that we shouldn’t EVER LIE to those whom we love, but it is certainly a FAR greater kindness to “edit” and “shape” what we discuss, if the “facts” are overwhelming, as they usually are for sufferers of pancreatic cancer.
Skip as much of the “guilt” as you can. It doesn’t help you feel better or act better on his behalf, and makes you more vulnerable to his difficult outbursts.
Get in as much help as HE can afford, and when there is any option to do so, GET AWAY, for as long or as little as you can.
Remember that his paranoid reactions are exacerbated by his pain and depression, and are rarely IF EVER, rational or accurate.
Good, safe caregiving needs balance, and if balance is not offered TO you by one of the partners, the OTHER MUST TAKE IT, for their own welfare and comfort.
Be at peace with the choices you make, and be safe and well.