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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Hi 1sally, You aren't alone in this struggle. When the person that you are taking care of can't communicate and may not even recognize you, it takes an amazing amount of dedication and strength to continue on with the caregiving role.
Becoming educated about what Alzheimer's does to the brain of the person who has the disease can help the caregiver hang on.
Most of all, communicating with others who've been in your shoes helps us get through it. That's why this forum is here.
That's also why there are in-person support groups. I hope that you'll continue coming back to agingcare and tell us more about your situation. Don't be afraid to state the bare, ugly truth if you're feeling resentful or angry. That just means that you are normal.
The Alzheimer's Association sponsors many in-person groups, as well. So do some places of worship. Sharing your feelings with others who really know what you're going through is one important way of getting through this.
I would also recommend the Well Spouse Association to you.
Our thoughts are with you. Please keep checking back so that we know how you are doing. Carol
My way of dealing with this may seem cold but, in my own mind I just say "when I stand by the grave side looking down I know in my own heart I did my best and my duty, as a friend a daughter a neighbor or what ever the relationship may be. That is all you can console yourself with, a clear conscience! and a easy feeling in your heart.
I feel sad for you. My Mom told me last week that her daughter Louise died of old age . That is me. She said I only have one child left. I just remember who I am and be grateful that she is not hurting or sickly. She is someplace else where I do not exist. She is always glad to see me . It is very hard some days so on those days I stay busy. She is 98years old .
Your question is just heartbreaking. I do feel for you being in that situation.
I'm not quite there yet, but anticipate that I will be soon. I know that my loved one will never actually realize what has happened and what I have done for her. She tells me that she loves me and appreciates everything, but I know she doesn't fully understand. But, that's okay. I know and God knows.
I have found wonderful support on this site. I encourage you to come here and read what others have experienced. It gives me strength. The referrals provided above are good too. I wish you and your loved one all the best.
Alzheimer's Association site. Call toll-free anytime day or night at 1.800.272.3900. Northern California and Northern Nevada Chapter San Jose, CA They can help you find support and caregiver groups.
I am a in-home care for my ADW and know the nothingness of holding and caring. I have a social worker who comes so I have someone to talk with. I attend local ALZ support groups while a caregiver cares for my wife. Since I am basicly house bound, my kids are 3000 miles from us.
I escape the nothingness by reading/participating on LinkedIn Groups and blogging. I am an Aggregator to Ishmael's Dandyfunk Alzheimer Blogs (i.e. I frequently collect content from various Internet sources and consolidate it on "Ishmael's Dandyfunk" Blogs for others to read) building knowledge networks has become my daily pastime while I care for my wife,
Suggested reading Jennifer Ghent-Fuller's article, "Understanding the Dementia Experience" /tinyurl/pzof7an
Conversing with a LO who has Alzheimers is often like talking with your cat. Acknowledge, respond, be affectionate, develop boundless patience. Forget about rational responses. Show respect, your therapeutic fictional responses are allowed. ~DLMifm
I hope an assisted care facility is a possibility. It is so hard to care for a dementia patient 24/7. When I saw how well trained and patient my mom's caretakers were I knew I made the right decision. They are able to go home to a normal life at the end of their shift everyday and come back refreshed.
I am feeling you my dear...My mom never says a kind word or thanks for all I do for her and now does same with my sister who has her to give me a break! I realized in her absence that It is me who has to change Nd not expect what she can not give.By the way she was never really gracious about gift or good deeds when she was still ok..So, Pretend to be her nurse and that this a person you have been given by God to take care of..Think of the rewards you have coming for your patience for one of God's children. It is my new mind set too? Hang in there and make time to be with friends and supportive people. Good Luck!
I work through it by trying to refocus onto positive things. It might be just throwing the ball for my dogs, working in the garden, watching an upbeat movie, etc. I know I can't change the situation so I try to adjust my attitude. It does get depressing when your loved one doesn't appreciate or even acknowledge what you are doing for them if they are mentally present. I have a wonderful support system so I can draw from that also. If you do not then consider joining a support group so you can purge your feelings with others going through the same thing. It does help.
I go through stages. Sometimes I see my Dad as if I would a pet (I love my Ruby cat and she brings me mice because she loves me but I don't love mice.) Sometimes I get frustrated at his stubbornness which has increased his disability by refusing to do helpful things recommended to him. I get angry (just tonight) over the battle over pooh covered tp and that one sheet will not wipe a butt clean. I remember that he helped take care of my when I was a baby, so this kind of evens the score, and he loved me then poopy butt and all. And when I can't pull my self back to center, I step away for a bit, or longer for a vacation (see if you can get some coverage)
This dementia and its resulting behavior is not about you, or even your loved one. I mean, my dad would be humiliated in his younger years to be pooping his pants, getting stuff all over. It is the illness and it is hard to take care of yourself emotionally while caring for someone diminished so drastically by loss of brain function.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You aren't alone in this struggle. When the person that you are taking care of can't communicate and may not even recognize you, it takes an amazing amount of dedication and strength to continue on with the caregiving role.
Becoming educated about what Alzheimer's does to the brain of the person who has the disease can help the caregiver hang on.
Most of all, communicating with others who've been in your shoes helps us get through it. That's why this forum is here.
That's also why there are in-person support groups. I hope that you'll continue coming back to agingcare and tell us more about your situation. Don't be afraid to state the bare, ugly truth if you're feeling resentful or angry. That just means that you are normal.
The Alzheimer's Association sponsors many in-person groups, as well. So do some places of worship. Sharing your feelings with others who really know what you're going through is one important way of getting through this.
I would also recommend the Well Spouse Association to you.
Our thoughts are with you. Please keep checking back so that we know how you are doing.
Carol
I'm not quite there yet, but anticipate that I will be soon. I know that my loved one will never actually realize what has happened and what I have done for her. She tells me that she loves me and appreciates everything, but I know she doesn't fully understand. But, that's okay. I know and God knows.
I have found wonderful support on this site. I encourage you to come here and read what others have experienced. It gives me strength. The referrals provided above are good too. I wish you and your loved one all the best.
Northern California and Northern Nevada Chapter San Jose, CA
They can help you find support and caregiver groups.
I am a in-home care for my ADW and know the nothingness of holding and caring. I have a social worker who comes so I have someone to talk with. I attend local ALZ support groups while a caregiver cares for my wife. Since I am basicly house bound, my kids are 3000 miles from us.
I escape the nothingness by reading/participating on LinkedIn Groups and blogging. I am an Aggregator to Ishmael's Dandyfunk Alzheimer Blogs (i.e. I frequently collect content from various Internet sources and consolidate it on "Ishmael's Dandyfunk" Blogs for others to read) building knowledge networks has become my daily pastime while I care for my wife,
Suggested reading Jennifer Ghent-Fuller's article,
"Understanding the Dementia Experience"
/tinyurl/pzof7an
Conversing with a LO who has Alzheimers is often like talking with
your cat. Acknowledge, respond, be affectionate, develop boundless
patience. Forget about rational responses. Show respect, your
therapeutic fictional responses are allowed. ~DLMifm
When I start to get that empty, lonely feeling, I remind myself NOT to look outside myself for comforting, but to focus on the true strength within.
Whatever spiritual practices appeal to you, follow those to reach that which you feel is missing. Blessings and love.
This dementia and its resulting behavior is not about you, or even your loved one. I mean, my dad would be humiliated in his younger years to be pooping his pants, getting stuff all over. It is the illness and it is hard to take care of yourself emotionally while caring for someone diminished so drastically by loss of brain function.