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You are listed as the executor. I don't get this having to sign waivers or working with the brother. It is on you to implement the will. I cannot imagine what this court action is all about if there is a will that lists YOU as the executor. That is a period and full stop.
To my mind any but legal communications needs to stop now, as it will just muddy the waters with someone this "unpredictable" as you call him, and unstable as I would call him. To me, blood is NOT thicker than water when it comes to relatives. If they are good people they are my friends and family. If they are not, then they are not.
Keep this in the hands of your attorney and tell you brother that until the estate is settled and distributed as your parents asked YOU to do it, there will be ZERO communications other than through attorneys. Tell your attorney that you want to person who PREVAILS in court to have all court cost paid by the troublemaker (that's him).
I had a marvelous brother. I cannot imagine having one that is like having a "your worst enemy" while I am grieving my parent and trying to implement their wishes by their will.
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HanaLee Oct 2022
Thank you. I have gotten a new lawyer today. The other one was not being helpful and did not really express the process and as far as I can tell isn't doing what she needs to, all the while charging a lot of money. The new lawyer was much nicer and I feel more confident with him. This does not change my situation with my brother, but he said I don't have to provide with anything. So, I am hoping things will much more smooth. Although, I have to be prepared for more crap that he will probably throw at me. He is a bully.
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You may never stop caring for him but you CAN disconnect emotionally. Remind yourself frequently how much difficulty he’s added to your life. Appreciate the calm that comes over you when you don’t have to see him or deal with his theatrics. It may be easier than you think.
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HanaLee Oct 2022
Thank you. Very wise words.
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First, support your own emotional and mental health by talking with a reputable therapist. This professional can give you a wise and objective perspective about boundaries with your brother and strategies to implement and defend them in productive ways.

Next, get yourself an experienced attorney as well if you haven't already. Your lawyer will be able to accurrately guide you as to whether you need to be concerned about your brother's actions or not. After all, he has to have proof of some sort of illegal activity on your part. What's going on with your brother is greed, and you can't fix that in him. So protect yourself and call his bluff.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom, and also sorry that your brother has revealed himself as such a greedy jerk. We don't get to pick our family members but we do get to choose if and how we engage with them. Wishing you courage, clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you move forward.
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HanaLee Oct 2022
I have gotten a therapist to help me through this because it is too much to handle. Mind you, I had to take care of my mother for 3 years now, and in her last month be with her 24/7 because she was so ill. I had to witness her die in distress by myself at home and then deal with my brother holding me hostage in the probate process. I am an emotional wreck. Your words mean a lot to me and I thank you.
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