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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My Dad refuses to use the walker, both his knees are bad and need to be replaced but he is beyond surgery and wouldn't have it anyway. He has fallen a few times, don't know what to do with him, VERY stubborn. Any suggestions?
One thing to do is to buy him a really cool rollator walker which has four wheels, a seat, a basket under the seat, and the cool thing is the hand brakes. Once my Dad saw that walker you'd think I had bought him a Shelby Mustang. And once he learned how to us it, off he went, you couldn't slow him down. I had bought him one in a bright blue color.... they comes in a variety of colors.
Then ask your Dad how do the brakes work, even you know how they work. He will figure it out and proudly tell you how the rolling walker works :) Hey, most guys like mechanical type stuff.
This is where tough love comes into play. Sometimes they're being manipulative and controlling, wanting the attention and encouragement to reinforce their concern that they're still cared for, although it's by this rather convoluted means.
If you're past the coaxing and pleading stage, you can do as the previous posters suggest. Tell him firmly you can't take care of him if he falls, if he breaks a leg or both, or his hips, and that you'd just have to have him stay in rehab, then perhaps move to another facility that could take care of him.
Remind him he has a choice; he can use a walker or rollator (which I prefer) and ENABLE himself to continue some level of independence and safety, or he can choose a less enlightened approach and endanger himself, in which case he might have to have much more support (at more cost) to continue to be mobile.
If he's really, really stubborn, you could also start calling various AL or IL facilities and ask about placement, mentioning that he has mobility problems and needs help to get around. Sometimes that provokes a reaction in stubborn people to make them want to prove they can be mobile, and they become less resistant.
Another thing you can do is ask his doctor for a script for PT, at home or at a facility. He can be taught how to strengthen his balance and legs and how to try to minimize falls.
And upgrading the support in the house with grab bars, removal of throw rugs and other trip hazards can help as well.
That's right. You might remind him of the consequences of a fall and fracture.
When my dad used to threaten to go on top of the house to clean the gutters, my mom and I would lose it. I would go ballistic. I even threatened to call the sheriff on him! lol I was bluffing, but I don't think he knew.
My mom told him that if he fell and broke his hip, leg, back, etc., that he would go to a nursing home and that would be it. She would not attempt to bring him home until he was fully recovered. He must believe she would do it, because he stopped climbing onto the roof. Oh, he was in his late 70's!
My stepmom went through this with my dad. She told him she could no longer help him up if he falls - it hurts her back too much and that she would dial 911. He fell a couple of times and she held firm - called 911. The wait (they are rural) plus having the fuss of having responders out, checking him over, asking him if he wants to go to ER - he started to use the walker. Don't enable him.
It's a tough thing to do. Sadly, we are limited in our ability to do this. I think it's a little easier if the person doesn't have dementia. Often dementia patients forget to use their walker and there simply is no way to make them remember unless they are constantly supervised.
With your dad, he's just being stubborn right? Will his doctor prescribe it and encourage him? Sometimes seniors just will not listen. I've seen that first hand.
Some other ideas are to try to keep things out of way like scatter rugs on the floor. I have read that having carpet on the floor reduces the number of fractures from falls. Grab bars might help.
What if you made a deal with him? What if you offered to pay him a sum of money per week if he will use one? Can you constantly supervise him? If you follow him around constantly, maybe he would agree to use the walker to get you off his back.
If it makes you feel any better, plenty of people who use walkers fall anyway. I have seen a person holding a walker fall backwards and would have fallen if I had not caught her. Sometimes it's also about poor balance and not just weak limbs.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Then ask your Dad how do the brakes work, even you know how they work. He will figure it out and proudly tell you how the rolling walker works :) Hey, most guys like mechanical type stuff.
If you're past the coaxing and pleading stage, you can do as the previous posters suggest. Tell him firmly you can't take care of him if he falls, if he breaks a leg or both, or his hips, and that you'd just have to have him stay in rehab, then perhaps move to another facility that could take care of him.
Remind him he has a choice; he can use a walker or rollator (which I prefer) and ENABLE himself to continue some level of independence and safety, or he can choose a less enlightened approach and endanger himself, in which case he might have to have much more support (at more cost) to continue to be mobile.
If he's really, really stubborn, you could also start calling various AL or IL facilities and ask about placement, mentioning that he has mobility problems and needs help to get around. Sometimes that provokes a reaction in stubborn people to make them want to prove they can be mobile, and they become less resistant.
Another thing you can do is ask his doctor for a script for PT, at home or at a facility. He can be taught how to strengthen his balance and legs and how to try to minimize falls.
And upgrading the support in the house with grab bars, removal of throw rugs and other trip hazards can help as well.
When my dad used to threaten to go on top of the house to clean the gutters, my mom and I would lose it. I would go ballistic. I even threatened to call the sheriff on him! lol I was bluffing, but I don't think he knew.
My mom told him that if he fell and broke his hip, leg, back, etc., that he would go to a nursing home and that would be it. She would not attempt to bring him home until he was fully recovered. He must believe she would do it, because he stopped climbing onto the roof. Oh, he was in his late 70's!
With your dad, he's just being stubborn right? Will his doctor prescribe it and encourage him? Sometimes seniors just will not listen. I've seen that first hand.
Some other ideas are to try to keep things out of way like scatter rugs on the floor. I have read that having carpet on the floor reduces the number of fractures from falls. Grab bars might help.
What if you made a deal with him? What if you offered to pay him a sum of money per week if he will use one? Can you constantly supervise him? If you follow him around constantly, maybe he would agree to use the walker to get you off his back.
If it makes you feel any better, plenty of people who use walkers fall anyway. I have seen a person holding a walker fall backwards and would have fallen if I had not caught her. Sometimes it's also about poor balance and not just weak limbs.