Mom had a lot happen in last year, kidney removal due to a mass, gallbladder removal, then she let herself go completely in a matter of 3 months she wound up on dialysis after being in full kidney failure. I found out she has a fantasy relationship with a Nigerian scammer who is catfishing her and she is sending money, she knows the truth but is still sending money, she lies all the time, tells me one thing and siblings another. Then she made up stories about me keeping her prisoner and hostage and want to keep her off the phone and facebook. She was seeing people in her house before she got really sick. But she remembers other things clearly, things from 50-60 years ago. She figures out how to download new chat apps to keep up her fantasy relationship and download zelle app to send him money. She's back living at home alone and I don't know how to help her. I was so stressed that I backed off and told my siblings I can't do it all anymore. Is any of this a sign of cognitive decline or is mom just depressed and desperate? She does say weird things sometimes and she will get mad when I don't know what she is talking about.
You should see an Elderly Lawyer about getting POAs and what needs to be done with Medicaid rules if mom has any assets. Start asking mom what she wants as far as what is her medical plans. For example, my mother had a feeding tube after she had a major surgery in 2012 for something unrelated, however, she has made it clear that she doesn't want a feeding tube and because she has had 19 surgeries and beat cancer 3 times she has opted-out for anymore surgeries and cancer treatments (if her cancers come back), which I understand. Sorry to say, you must start getting her and your ducks in a row. Like us here you will have to figure out just how much care you will provide your mom. How much of your life are you willing to give up? Start planning! This site and the people here are a God send; I wish I would have found it a year sooner it would have saved me much heart aches, time, and money. When I first found this place I read everything I could and I was able to get my mother Dx with vascular dementia, unfortunately, my mother's finances were already a mess, which now I am in the process of cleaning that mess up. No one ever wants their LO Dx with Alz/dementia. But it is what it is, so we do the best we can. You can always come here for answers or to vent or just read the posts. Some how this forum makes you feel like your not alone.
Moreover, depression and anxiety can company with dementia.
Good luck.
I know this is all just tooooo much.
I think we would all agree though it hasn’t been said.
Dont try to discuss this with mom. It’s more stress and won’t help. She doesn’t sound able to comprehend.
Make an appointment with a certified elder attorney well experienced in Medicaid law in your state. You need the legal authority to act for your mom. She will either have to sign to give you or a siblng authority while she still can or you will need to file for guardianship.
Just tonight there was 95 yr old former director of the FBI (or was it CIA) targeted for financial abuse. Even after the scanner found out who he was they threatened to kill his wife if he didn’t do as they demanded.
Your mom is not alone. Imposters call pretending to be from Microsoft or Apple or the IRS and pretend to be someone helpful. Don’t answer the phone from anyone you don’t know was the advice. Don’t open an email from strangers. Don’t respond to pop ups. Elders are targeted because they have money.
Take her to a neurologist for testing. It does sound like she has the beginnings of dementia. I’m sorry to say that. I have seen the tv shows where elderly women have been catfished by Nigerians and they don’t seem to have dementia, just terribly lonely.
But your mom’s health issues would make the sanest among us want to escape into one fantasy or another.
There are several types of dementia. Some are as you describe. One day there and the next day, not so much.
I am sorry you are so overwhelmed. Dig deep and get your mom’s situated looked into.
It’s not likely to get better on its on.
Was the kidney mass analyzed?
Your Mom is doing more than “losing it a bit”. Since you see her every day, you may become a little conditioned to her behavior, but it’s not normal. She needs to be seen by a doctor.
You don't need to do anything that you can't handle!
But, your family needs to step it up & help.!!
You should however make the money giving stop because it's so wrong & she is going to need her money . Break that computer. I don't know how, take battery out, or go to settings * click do you need password to log on* click yes* & make one.
These stories just burn me up...
We all need help when our parents get old. Both my parents got I'll, at the same time. It took 9 siblings for us to get thru it. We divided up tasks. Health, wealth,
Ccaregivers, elder law, TO POA,
& eventual death. Bury both. 2 funerals, a will, sale of delapitated home, remodel, ($60k) taxes...
It's a long road.
Goodluck.
It can be hard to believe what you see. Thing is, what you are seeing, probably isn't even the worst of it. She may actually believe all of that stuff she's saying. And remembering 60 years ago, well, that's kind of normal. My mother knew her SS even as she seemed not to be able to tell the difference between me and my father later the same day.
Anyways, you've got a problem, but then you knew that, I think.
Good luck!