Does anyone have experience dealing with this issue? He is still physically able to function. He gets up and does his thing each day (puttering around his acre of land) but when early afternoon comes he is tired (he's 85) and so he just goes inside and watches tv and drinks light beer. He can get argumentative but so far not physically abusive. His natural temperament is easy going.
As people have already said, his alcohol use isn't your doing or your problem. It's complicated now by dementia, so you may eventually get drawn into getting him into care. You'll need to be completely honest about his addiction. I'd suggest Al-Anon for you because being with others can help you cope.
Good luck,
Carol
Alcoholism is a topic that's been covered here many times and there are many people here who have dealt with this situation to some degree or another. I'm sure you'll get many thoughtful and helpful responses.
Your dad has 2 hurdles to overcome. The first being giving up drinking. It's not as easy as it sounds and your dad will need medical supervision if he does quit. The second is getting him into a skilled care facility. Call me a cynic but I don't see anyone at the age of 85 and who's an alcoholic giving up the drinking so they can move into a nursing home.
You may just have to wait this one out and know that at some point you will get a call from someone telling you that your dad fell or has had a stroke. Once in the hospital he can dry out and be transferred from the hospital to a facility.
Always remember that it's not within your power to get your dad to stop drinking. He won't stop unless he wants to and you can't make him want to. It's nothing personal, it's just the addiction. It's bigger than both of you.
I am sorry to sound so negative.
24/7 care will be an emotional roller coaster for you and as Dad's disease progresses; you will suffer physically as well. Think long and hard about this decision. It is wonderful to have a big heart and want to take care of our love ones; but the reality can be stunning. Good luck!
It doesn't matter if your dad drinks light beer or whiskey. It's still alcohol and it's still an addiction. Alcoholism isn't about what someone drinks or even how often they drink, it's about how the alcohol affects the person. Alcoholics are wired differently than non-alcoholics. Their brain is wired differently. And as an alcoholic your dad doesn't have a choice. He has to drink. I'm sure if he were given the option he would choose to quit because the life of an alcoholic is something out of a nightmare.
Good for you for going to Alanon! You're right, caregivers often fall ill from daily stress and anxiety that never ends. Going to Alanon is doing something for yourself, to keep yourself physically and mentally healthy. You're taking some very positive steps.
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