I feel as though my mother is resentful that I am continuing with my day-to-day life now that she’s limited. She makes mean comments about my spending decisions as well as opportunities that our daughter receives. Her comments are mean and I struggle and am left distraught and sad. I’ve worked hard my entire life to be able to provide for myself and continue to be present for her and ensure her safety.
Walk away. Do not abuse yourself by listening.
You need to do this for yourself ... as well, you need to be a role model for your daughter. You do not want her to 'take this abuse' - (or learn that it is acceptable to take it; it is not).
I understand. We are run by our conditioning, fears, traumas and need to process through them with new neuron-connectors in our brain; we need to rewire our brain synapses with new thoughts and new behavior.
WALK AWAY.
HANG UP.
GET THERAPY.
If she lives in your home, move her out. This is toxic for you.
You can be compassionate towards her and her disease at the same time you set limits / boundaries and take care of yourself / the quality of your life ... that you've worked hard to do.
Certainly you are not alone. I'd bet 99.9% of us are 'wired' or 'triggered' by our (adorning - eh... no) mothers who may have only done / behaved with their children the same way they were treated by their mother. Someone(s) need to break the chain. It is up to you. Get those pliers out. And lots of self love and self compassion.
Sending you healing courage,
Gena Galenski
Touch Matters
You might also consider finding ways to get others involved in her care so you have more "time off" from caregiving and the nasty comments.
I can't move out fast enough!
Redrose