My mom is 85 in a nursing home on hospice. Has been there 6months. Originally was there for rehab after finding out she had bad chf. Also discovered kidney failure. Has been a diabetic for 45-50 years. Is on oxygen 24/7 for her chf. She was walking with walker before with some mild dementia signs. In last 6 months, she no longer walks, very unsteady on her feet, falls often, forgets to ring call bell for help,has times of incontinence and dementia is very bad. Every day have to explain where she is. She recognizes me, I'm there everyday, but others it takes her a while or maybe she's faking and doesn't really know who they are. She doesn't know the same nurses from day to day. Sometimes very paranoid and accusing. Thinks people take her places at night and leave her and she has to walk back. Nurses at night take her out and get her drunk, she has never been a drinker.Sad and draining. Some days she can't figure how to hold a spoon and feed herself. Some days like today is like someone turned off the light switch. Just stares into space when I talk to her not understanding anything. Was good talking, then started falling asleep and not coherent. Frequent bladder infections. Hospice says this can go on for either a short time or years. Does any one have any similar experiences.
97yroldmom has given you excellent advice about pacing yourself. This may not be a sprint ... it could be a marathon. Your mother may fuss if you aren't there at 9:30. But fussing isn't fatal. The staff can handle it. And if it is convenient for you to be there most days at 9:30, fine, but don't stay all day. Take care of yourself, too!
Delusions are very hard to treat. If they are benign there is no need for treatment. If Mom says the nurses got her drunk and she sure had a good time, that's pleasant for her to think about. But if her delusions are distressing to her, ask her doctor if there is anything to help with that. Aricept was very helpful in curbing my husband's delusions, for example.
Meanwhile, take her delusions seriously. Don't try to talk her out of them. Say something comforting and that you'll take care of it. "The nurses should not take you outside of the building at night. I'll have a talk with the director and see that this doesn't happen again!"
Eat well. Get plenty of sleep. Take a walk. Take care of your responsibilities with finances etc.
When we get too worn down we can't make good decisions.
I know you want to be there for her but limit it to what you can reasonably maintain.
When my mother died I was too tired to make funeral plans or to even attend the funeral. I did it but I didn't want to. I was too spent.
It takes a lot out if a person just witnessing such terrible decline.