Over 6 years ago I bought a big house so that I could take care of my mother with Alzheimer’s. Knowing I can’t do this alone, I moved my brother and his wife in to assist with caregiving. I work 3 Days a week, for my own sanity. On my days off, I feel like the burden of mom's care is primarily on me.
My biggest concern is that my mother's biggest issue is loneliness. Her basic needs are met. Meds, food, etc. but it seems as if my brother and his wife avoid mom. Not spending as much time with her, leaving her in front of a tv all day and night. She is confused most of the time. Unaware that she is in her home, always waiting for someone to pick her up and take her to her babies. (Her babies are grandparents now)
I feel like my brother and his wife should spend more time with her.
They leave mom to sleep all day, resulting in late night confusion.
Mom is on meds for A-fib, thyroid, alzheimers, anxiety, and pain (several compression fractures in her back) her mobility is from bedroom to living room and to the car. Very Short distance walking only. Due to lack of mobility, we don’t think she is capable of wandering further than 100 feet.
Again, the question is, if none of us has the patience to sit by her side all the live long day, would she be best off in a facility where she has more social interaction? She desires constant companionship, often offering us to spend the night in her room, or sit next to her for hours. (I’m so restless, couch potato, not my thing, I’m often cleaning or cooking, but being present)
Her stage? She forgets anything and everything that occurs almost within minutes afterward. You could take her on her favorite drive, lunch whatever. By the time you pull into the driveway it’s all gone. Leaving it feel like it was all for not. Except for your own memory of her enjoying the moment. It’s all so hard.
We have a caregiver visit her for about 3 hours a week.
Is it OK to just let them sit alone hour after hour?
After a short adjustment period she is well adjusted and contended, and generally happy. We visit her every day. I felt bad about making the move, but it turned out to be best. There are plenty of activities that I could not provide for her at home.
I recommend looking for a good place that you all can get to on a regular basis.
It is very hard to go through this for everyone.
I'm sure you're right about your mother's loneliness. Except, perhaps, that it isn't loneliness of the sort that her children can relieve. When you live to extreme old age, your peers, your cohort, your beloved are all gone and there's only you left. And while your children will always be your babies, they can never be the companions you miss so much.
Have a look at facilities, and also have a look at voluntary organisations in your area and see if any offer befriending or similar programmes. It can't hurt to see what's available, after all, and the perfect answers might be right there waiting.
I understand that it must be irritating and frustrating that your brother and SIL don't put as much of their backs into the social enrichment aspect of care as you do but I suspect you'll be on a hiding to nothing if you try to tackle them about it.
You say that you bought a big house and moved them in.
Do they work also, pay rent, or are you the one who pays?
I am asking because, (in the absence of them being free loaders), it seems almost anyone could sit with MOM and watch a t.v. show (unless she talks through it) and do that in shifts if there were an organized schedule.
Have a talk with your family, maybe they want to quit or make changes to your expectations of them? I think you deserve a real day off without the burdens-can you leave at a time when the caregivers are there?
How do you personally get along with them?
Families together are an interest to me, but next door as adults would be nice.
Even so, if there is some extra room in the big house, can you rent out a room?
Then arrange for a decrease in rent for duties of companion care for Mom?
I realize my suggestions may sound naive, so if there is nothing said to help you, I apologize.
A person requiring 24/7 supervision is not the same as just living in the same home with family, imo.
% of her day. The big challenge is finding the stuff she moves around. but it is her routine, and I'm sure she sleeps better at night because of it. She is very mobile. Her physical health is good. She has boycotted medications, so this "working" is good for her. She's 89 and we're getting along ok at home. In her case, constant interaction is not warranted. I think everyone needs a little "alone" time as long as their safe.
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