So, I have skimmed many questions on this topic. My 93 y o dad came to live with me in Sept and he's mostly pretty easy (can shower, toilet, walk, and feed himself). He cannot cook or clean for himself and I need to make sure he gets in and out of the shower safely. We did hire a helper to come in to give showers and to give us a break to go run errands (almost always related to dad-stuff) But Dad is taking up our guestroom, eating our food, and consuming our time with many doctors appointments and other admin kind of issues (like DMV). Also we are busy keeping him doing interesting things (puzzles, games ,walks etc).
Before he lived with my brother for $500/month which included room, food and doctors appointments but mostly they left him to his own devices and he watched tV and didn't get any exercise. They worked and did their best but he pretty much vegetated and lost a lot of stamina and brainpower. We have a much nicer house and our expenses are ,of course , higher. Plus he also likes having us home (they work) and we are his captive audience.
I paid myself the $500 same as my brother but I'm feeling like that's not enough.. just a room in our town would cost $750, and that's not including food.. much less all the "admin" of doctors appointments etc.
On the other hand, I don't NEED the money and I really don't want to report income. Is it really income if he's eating our food, using our gas for trips in the car, using utilities? Do I need to report this income on my taxes? I have to fill out a form for the VA and if I call this amount (whatever amount it is) "rent", is that reportable as rental income on a tax return? If I don't call it "rent", what do I call it?
The deal is that I'm keeping him until Covid is over and assisted living is more open to visitors. Then, still, I'll be the only one in town, so I will be still doing doctors etc.
If I give myself a raise (I'm power of attorney), my brother will resent it. I"m sure he never reported any income on it... and frankly, I agree, it's really just sharing expenses.
If I count up all the monthly expenses for this house and divide it by 3, it's closer to $1,000/month. If I only count the increase in our monthly expenses (additional food etc) since dad came, it's probably closer to $500.
I'm sure that dad's care will require more and more as he is declining so I'm looking for a way to recoup our costs at least... and whatever more I can reasonably get without having to declare the income... is that even possible to do?
Most of what people do discuss here is what to pay the sibling who is the caretaker and that's another whole question. I'm assuming that is often in the parents home and they are getting room and board... so this is kind of an opposite situation I think?
Any ideas for me?
Keep track of everything.
Draw up a "Caregiver Contract" and detail what care you are providing. I would make the contract a 6 month one and review it then if you think you are doing more than than you were the first month then increase your "pay"
If funds run out you can begin application process for Medicaid.
I also suggest that you talk with an Elder Care Attorney to determine if there are other things you should be doing.
My Dad [95] had 3 shifts of caregivers per day after my Mom had passed as he was a fall risk. That amounted to $20k per month, thus $240k per year. And if Dad had lived another 5 years with that arrangement, that would be over a million dollars.
My Dad wanted to cut expenses so we talked about senior living. I arranged a tour of a local place and Dad loved it. Monthly rent for his 2 bedroom apartment was around $5k per month [varies from area to area], which allowed him to cut cost and still afford to bring his favorite day time caregiver. Dad was starting to have memory issues so having the same smiling face wake him up each weekday morning gave him a routine.
My Dad enjoyed being around people closer to his age group, and he enjoyed the dinners in the restaurant at the complex. His caregiver made him breakfast and lunch. That $5k rent included some utilities plus once a week housekeeping and linen service, and one daily meal in the restaurant. Plus there was always a nurse on-duty 24 hours a day. His caregiver did his personal laundry.
So it's something to think about. And it is so much easier to have my Dad go to senior living while he was still able to learn names/faces and find his way around the complex. Eventually he moved to Assisted Living/Memory Care at the same complex so that worked out well. Yep, he brought along is favorite caregiver :)
As far as running out of funds, he sold his home and, at 100K a year, he could live 15 more years (he's 93!)... and I would LOVE it if he spent every last sent and my sibs and I got nothing!!
Have a family discussion on how to settle this matter. Do this soon so resentful feelings don’t crop up.
It is a matter of what is fair. Do what is in the best interest for all of you. Make sure it is all on the up and up.
Don’t put your father in an awkward position of having to explain his finances if Medicaid is needed down the road.
No one can predict the future. Best to be safe than sorry.
All the best to you and your family.
I purchased my mom's house. She is 91 and we have crazy longevity in her family (she has 3 older sisters still living and her brothers all lived well into their 90s with never visiting a doctor) so I think she will run out of money for her care at some point. We chose to do this because the lookback in my state is 5-years. I charge her a nominal amount of rent that covers utilities and property taxes so she pays from an invoice every month. Every money transaction has a paper trail. I applied for Medicaid for my MIL, so I know what they look for.
Mine is only a suggestion and by no means "professional" advice. If your Dad has plenty of financial resources, then it's up to you how you work it out.