Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My MIL does not want us to visit during her activities, either. My husband checks on her every other day and will take her on errands, if necessary. But, she doesn't even want company very often. (Ass't living.)
Also, I meant to answer your question.....I think it is a trial and error thing. I found that if I visited everyday, it was bad, really bad. I am not starting that at her new home. It will be twice a week.
I had the opposite reaction from Mom when I went during activites. She would stop what she was doing and announce that her daughter was there so she couldn't participate. In fact meal time seemed to be the best, because I would help her with her food and we could chat then. But my Mom has never done good after I left. She is now in a very small residential group home and so far, visits are good. She seems to really like it there, although she still says she wants to go home. She doesn't wail and cry though, at least not yet. She has only been there a few weeks.
My Daddy is in a long term health care facility. He had a stroke 5 months ago and is unable to communicate except a word here or there. My sister goes week day mornings for several hours and I go after work daily for several hours. I go 3 times a day on Saturday and Sunday. He needs a voice and I wouldn't feel right unless we were there daily. Put yourself in your loved ones place. How often would you want a familiar face to be at your side and speak up for your needs? Yes, we get tired, but my Father was there for me my entire life and I love him for that and so many other reasons!
My 90 yr old MIL, diagnosed with mild to moderate dementia, is in a terrific assisted living facility 15 min. from our home. My husband and I are in our early 60's and we visit once a week. He is self-employed and works long hrs. and I work part time. This works for us. I suppose if it were my own mother I would visit more often.
Some great tips here. Routine is so important for our elderly. Just like children it makes them feel safe. I love the idea of visiting during group activities. It makes the visit fun and gives you something to talk about. Otherwise I would keep to a schedule of about 2 visits a week. This is just me but I would keep the times the same and make sure to show up when you are scheduled to see them.
I try to visit my mom at least once a week. I am still doing her laundry so she knows that my husband or I will be coming. I would like to visit more but with working a full-time job and caring for two children under the age of 10 it is hard.
I absolutely believe that this is such an individualized thing. I live 1/2 hour from the nursing home. My mom has ALZ and does not know me..having said that EVERYONE should have an advocate. When mom first went in ..I went every day for 2 yrs. Looking back..I should not have done that. I think it interfered with her adjusting. After 7 yrs, on a good week, I try to be there 2-3 times. I have a great relatioship with the staff and can now see that mom relates to THEM not me. Heartbreaking but true. My dad was in for 18 months. His mental faculties were intact. I went every day at first...gradually down to 2-3 days a week. He was very lonely, but refused any interactions with others.when he got sick about 3 months ago post surgery I was there every day...had just started slowing that down when he got sick again and did not recover. So i guess my best advice is follor your gut. Take action so that when you loved one is no longer here, you have no regrets, Please though be an active presence of some kind. I am still grieving for my precious dad but I have no regrests.
I do believe that someone needs to check on our loved ones, almost every day. My MIL and mother both are in their right minds, so they will tell us, if they aren't being treated right. It has been up to Mother's friends to do that, since she is in IL. and I am in AZ. I wouldn't be seeing her every day, if I lived there. She would go right back to depending on me, instead of the staff.
Such a good question, lakegirl, and one I haven't seen addressed so directly. pstegman makes an important point – sometimes visits and outings don't have their intended consequence. You really have to look at your parent carefully to judge the effect of visits. Talk to staff, too. Ask how she (or he) is after you've left. So often I've heard care staff talk about how agitated Mrs. So-and-so is following her daughter's daily lunchtime visits (or whatever). Yet, for fear of offending or upsetting the daughter, they don't speak out. I mean, it's supposed to be "the more visits, the better," right? So, they have a resident who merrily goes through her days, except for the hours following a visit when she's inconsolably agitated and anxious. The answer is open communication with staff and trying different visiting tactics (time of day, length of visit, etc.). One favorite tactic is to visit during an activity and participate in it. It's not as upsetting to have a daughter arrive during flower arranging, take part in it and leave. The visit "goes with the flow."
Don't even get me started on the ill-advised trips some families of AL residents propose each summer – "we want to get Dad to the lake one last time" or "Mom always loved the shore – we're taking her with us this year." Look at it from your parent's point of view. When you're thinking of taking your parent for an outing or overnight, ask yourself – if you lost almost all ability to adapt to new situations, how would you feel doing what you're proposing?
I have a sister in a group home and I found out the hard way, that if I visited her more than once a week or took her home for the weekend, she would lose her focus on her residence. She would stop interacting with staff and residents and see me as her only source of entertainment. She would misbehave, she would call me constantly, she would refuse to participate in activities and outings. So now I stick to taking her to BK for lunch, once a week, and take her right back to her home. She is more cooperative with staff now and knows them by name.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don't even get me started on the ill-advised trips some families of AL residents propose each summer – "we want to get Dad to the lake one last time" or "Mom always loved the shore – we're taking her with us this year."
Look at it from your parent's point of view. When you're thinking of taking your parent for an outing or overnight, ask yourself – if you lost almost all ability to adapt to new situations, how would you feel doing what you're proposing?