Mom moved in with us about 8 months ago. She has mild/moderate Alzheimer's and is fairly independent. She has balance issues and must use a walker. When I see her without it, I remind her that she must use it. If my husband says the same thing to her, she has no problem with him telling her so, but when I do, she gets belligerent and says, "I was using it!" I have learned to not say a thing, just walk over and scoot the walker toward her, then walk away and not respond to her.
I'm also frustrated that when I say something, it carries no weight, but if my husband says the same exact thing, it's gospel! I know her generation has different beliefs than I do about "men being God-like", but I'm getting very resentful and upset when she does this.
She also seems able to do things for herself when my husband offers, for example to fix her a sandwich, but when I'm in the kitchen, she's very content to allow me to fix it for her.
I know I'm being petty and find it really annoying that I'm feeling this way. I guess I need a vacation, but know that's not in the cards right now! My husband and son are wonderful about staying with Mom so I can get out a night a week, so I shouldn't complain, but I really need to vent. Thanks for listening and I truly appreciate any advise you can give to me!
I'm sure if your mom realizes on some level what is happening to her, she's frustrated and probably scared that she's losing her abilities. You're the "safe" one who she can vent her frustrations and anger at what's happening to her. Is it fair? No. And you're right, older women do listen to the men in their lives more than their daughters. And they don't like to "bother" the men with their needs. That's frustrating too. So vent all you want, most of us get it because on any given day, we're right there with you.