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No, it is a complete sentence. Stop explaining why you are unable to be at her beck and call all the time. Schedule days that you are willing to assist her and stick to it.

As for the rest of the family deciding if your life and the life of your daughter are important enough to not dance to moms unreasonable tune, jog on folks. You can tell them to go deal with it, you don't have to explain anything and it is completely out of line for any of them to even go there. When they are helping as much as you, then they may say something, until then, overstepping.

Your daughter comes first and if anyone questions that, they are not even worth your time. She needs you now more than ever, it is a difficult age and if you don't guide her, she will be guided by other influences.

You can love your mom without being her personal slave.
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SparkyY Apr 2019
I've heard you say the "no is a complete sentence" before I love it! I've already used it several times amongst some of my needier friends lol. Of course when they tell me how clever I am I give you full credit ouch my nose is growing.
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I agree with both! I’m in the same position for a few years. The more you give the more they want. It seems a mental health review might be in the cards. I know that is not the only issue but it may be a start. I’ve taken 2 approaches and neither has worked 100%. First I tried to establish boundaries and take care of me first. She has dementia and maybe doesn’t remember. Second I learned not to give away what I needed to support myself. Time, energy and emotional health. Maybe consider the psych evaluation coupled with holding yourself accountable.
Heart check daily
am I angry ?
am I resentful?
am I hurting?
am I tense?
am I exhausted?
if yes to 3 out of 5 listen! Get help. Rest.
Love yourself first.
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It's great that you are so helpful and devoted to you mother, but, I'd try to step back and be reasonable about it. Perhaps, the resentment is justified. I don't get the guilt part. If I'm busting my butt to make someone happy, while sacrificing myself for their needs, why would I feel guilty. They should feel guilty for imposing unrealistic demands on me.

While you say that your mother is fine mentally, I'd question why she is so insistent of your time and services. You say that she's demanding of your whereabouts and invades your privacy......to me, that's not normal and I would wonder why she's that way. I mean, if she were thinking clearly, would she really be that way to her loving daughter?

I think that I would have to make some decisions on what I was willing and able to do. No one is obligated to forego duties to their own family to take care of a parent. I'd likely set out what works for me, my family, my job and my schedule. You might contact a professional agency who can assist her with errands, transportation, etc. And, many pharmacy and grocery stores deliver.

I would think that quality visits by you and your family with mom would be joyful and relaxing. Wouldn't she enjoy that more than all the work you are doing?
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Perhaps you could find out about services for her, such as grocery and pharmacy deliveries, rides (maybe an actual taxi) to appointments, meals on wheels, and even volunteers for companionship. She might be calling on you and asking about where you are because she is lonely and afraid. Your question isn't trivial and it's good you are asking now, as things might be worse somewhere in your future and you will have to know how to protect yourself from burnout. Your own emotional health is not only important for you, but also for the person you are caring for. If you offer help in a relaxed and happy manner, it will be helpful in more than a practical way.
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SparkyY Apr 2019
Right. It seems like most grocery stores do the shopping for you now. Even in my town Hicksville, CA. The local Smart n Final will even deliver for free! They just started doing it even with food stamps. So as I see it you've got the pharmacy and the grocery shopping taken care of. Just maybe let mom keep thinking you're busting your @ss. No Sparky that's not honest. I know I'm trying.
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