My mum has been unwell for the past year and I have done the majority of the day to day care as I am the nearest in distance and work less hours than my siblings. However I am a single parent, my husband died 5 years ago, and my daughter is 11 years old so I am having to juggle work and home life along with caring for mum.
How do others manage to do this without becoming resentful? I love my mother dearly but she has me doing errands practically everyday, uses me as a taxi service and questions my whereabouts constantly, so much so that I feel I have no privacy. Fortunately her health is now improving but I’m doubtful she will ever return to full independence and don’t know how to cope with being at her beck and call indefinitely and feeling that my life has no worth as my reasons for not being able to undertake an errand/request will be deliberated on by the wider family who will then comment on whether the reason is, in their view, acceptable or not.
I realise in a lot of ways I am fortunate as mum has no signs of dementia and is a lovely person whereas I read a lot of stories on here about care givers who are struggling with a lot more difficult issues than this so I apologise if my query appears trivial but to me it is very real and the resentment is causing me to be constantly guilt ridden. How do I get my own life back while still being there for my mum and my child?
I even feel guilty posting this as it makes me feel I am being disloyal to a wonderful mother
As for the rest of the family deciding if your life and the life of your daughter are important enough to not dance to moms unreasonable tune, jog on folks. You can tell them to go deal with it, you don't have to explain anything and it is completely out of line for any of them to even go there. When they are helping as much as you, then they may say something, until then, overstepping.
Your daughter comes first and if anyone questions that, they are not even worth your time. She needs you now more than ever, it is a difficult age and if you don't guide her, she will be guided by other influences.
You can love your mom without being her personal slave.
Heart check daily
am I angry ?
am I resentful?
am I hurting?
am I tense?
am I exhausted?
if yes to 3 out of 5 listen! Get help. Rest.
Love yourself first.
While you say that your mother is fine mentally, I'd question why she is so insistent of your time and services. You say that she's demanding of your whereabouts and invades your privacy......to me, that's not normal and I would wonder why she's that way. I mean, if she were thinking clearly, would she really be that way to her loving daughter?
I think that I would have to make some decisions on what I was willing and able to do. No one is obligated to forego duties to their own family to take care of a parent. I'd likely set out what works for me, my family, my job and my schedule. You might contact a professional agency who can assist her with errands, transportation, etc. And, many pharmacy and grocery stores deliver.
I would think that quality visits by you and your family with mom would be joyful and relaxing. Wouldn't she enjoy that more than all the work you are doing?