Follow
Share

Its been 3 months since my 70 yr old husband's massive stroke. He has plateaued and now in sub acute rehab. Still unable to stand or walk, but insists he can. We have no children nor any family nearby. He's already fallen twice yet thinks he can just come home. No way I could handle him. I fear for his safety even at this 2nd rehab. The stress is killing me. I'm also 70 and have no idea how to cope with his frustration, anger and lack of progress. Plus I can't lift him. It's as though both of our lives abruptly ended. How does one manage a situation like this without falling apart? They won't keep him for long. Requires too much manpower. HELP.

Find Care & Housing
You talk to the discharge planner and tell him/her that you can not care for him at home and you need to find placement for him that will be able to SAFELY manage his care. And ask if there are any suggestions for facilities. (It sounds like he will need Skilled Nursing / Long Term Care facility.)
When you are are given a list of facilities do a few quick things.
*Cross off any that are not convenient for you to visit.
*Next go to the Medicare Website and do a quick search of their rating and what violations they have had. Ignore the real minor ones, pay attention to lack of staff, medical errors and the like.
*Next go visit. You can set up an appointment or go unannounced.
If you go early morning do expect the smell of urine. The CNA's are getting people up and changing bedding. If you go at noon you will or should not get the same smell.
Look at meal time. Are people that need help eating being helped? Are they with the rest of the residents or are they in a different room?
And this one is going to sound stupid but..are the rooms handicap accessible? The rehab my Husband was in was NOT accessible and it was all but impossible for me to get him into the bathroom to help him wash his hands.

I am glad you know your limitations. Stick to the boundaries that you have established for yourself.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

If your husband is not progressing at all in therapy, then really the only option will be to have him placed in a nursing home, as his care is WAY too much for you.
You can talk to the social worker at the rehab to get that ball rolling.
I would still however request that your husband receive some PT and OT at the nursing home, so your husband can continue to try and regain some of what he has lost.

My late husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48(I was 36)which left him unable to walk, talk, read, write or use his right arm at all.
Because of his young age, with a lot of PT, OT and speech therapy he did learn how to walk again with a brace on his leg, talk in very short sentences, but never did regain the ability to use his right arm or read or write again.
It was hard for me at my young age to get him to all his therapies, run the household, and take care of my 2 children who were still at home. I can't imagine doing that at your age.
And my husband continued to have many other health issues over the years due to his stroke, and eventually ended up with vascular dementia and died at the age of 72. I was fortunate to keep him at home until the very end, but it was very hard on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

So you must do now what is not only best for your husband but also what is best for you, as you matter in this equation too.
By placing him in a facility, you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate and not his overstressed caregiver.
I wish you the very best in this difficult situation. Hang in there and God bless you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

I'm so sorry. But, your husband needs to go into a nursing home. Don't feel bad about it - it's not at all safe. My husband passed away last year. He had Heart, Kidney & Liver failure from complications of C - I'm 67 - toward the end of his life he could hardly walk he was so weak - and a few times after his dialysis treatments, I'd be trying to help him into the house and I could feel him collapsing so I'd wrap my arms and body around him and go down with him to break the fall. This was extremely dangerous for us both - we were lucky not to have broken any bones. It's absolutely not safe for your husband to come home. I'm so so sorry. My husband passed away before I was able to get full-time help. But trust me - I still have PTSD over that entire 9-month long experience. I gain my peace in knowing he's at peace now. No more falling! My Best Wishes to You Both! I'm here now full-time caregiver for my 96yr old Dad who has LB Dementia - Trust me - I'm getting help this time!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Mamacrow
Report

I’m so sorry. My mother had “failure to progress” in rehab after much effort following her massive stroke. Her care was far beyond what could be accomplished in a home setting as she was a two person assist for every move. She was transferred to a nursing home, using a long term care policy and Medicaid after it ran out. For some rotten circumstances there are no easy answers. Your husband may need a medication to help calm the anger. I wish you both peace
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

KLS, I am so sorry for this it has to be so hard.

I'm not to knowledgeable in any of these areas, but I'm 60 and my husband is 71 , so I can't even imagine what this is like and how hard this is.

No you absolutely can't bring him home and take care of him yourself.

Is there any support groups or churches you belong to , to get support for you. You need to take care of yourself . I'm sure even if your husband goes into a home , you will still be taking care of him. You can't do that if your not taking care of you

🙏🙂‍↕️
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report

I’m so sorry . This is devastating to both of you at only 70. Not the retirement you were expecting .

Have you been speaking with the case worker and social worker ?

It seems like your choices will be to hire help into the home or place your husband in SNF care .

Hiring help into the home on a 24/7 basis is very expensive .

There are stroke survivor support groups for the victim of the stroke as well as their families . Perhaps it would help you to talk to some other spouses in your position .

We have some spouses of stroke victims who regularly respond on this Forum , hopefully they will see to answer your question .

You may also want to go to an eldercare lawyer regarding assets . I don’t know much , but there are ways to split assets to protect you so you can stay in your home , have a car , enough to live on etc because care costs for your husband will be expensive . If Medicaid is needed they can help you with that .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter